Linux Wars: A New Kernel - Vol. 2 by WindRider
Linux Wars: A New Kernel - Vol. 2 by WindRider
LINUX WARS: A NEW KERNEL
episode iv, chapter 2.
creative consultant: Empty
technical consultant: Ohseven/shicho-do
writer and all around god: WindRider
**recap of the previous installment**
fuck that, go read wr-lwars.txt in rmrs19, you lazy sack of
shit.
Dawn rose over the dry desert town that Omi Skywalker called
home. Drifting slowly back from his dream, he rolled over in bed to
find himself tenderly stroking B0ar3P0. What the @@?! What are
you doing in here? A was having such a great dream about the
princess.
Well, master Skywalker, you ARE a master of my system...if
you know what my poorly compiled and humble self is attempting to imply
oh so vaguely. B0ar3P0 sighed suggestively.
Thats it, if youre gonna talk like a WinBitch tm, then im
gonna beat you like a WinBitch tm. Omi was clearly not impressed.
Might I suggest, sir B0ar3P0 interrupted, that we hurry to
your landspeeder and track down G0at2D2 before he gets himself in real
trouble.
You mean my new Range Rover? Okay, lets find the little
bastard before old Whod gets his hands on him. There are rumours that
he...does things...to unsuspecting bots.
That would indeed be unfortunate. I still have not finished
punishing him. But thats another story.
CUT SCENE
Instead of me describing it, go grab a MatchBox toy car and
roll it back and forth along the front of the keyboard, yelling VROOM
VROOM! loud enough so that the neighbours hear you and call the cops.
END CUTSCENE
Princess Kaleia found herself onboard of Darth Balmers
flagship, the TouchMeImFeelingSexy. Balmer came forward to inspect
his prisoner.
Very nice, but there will be time for that later. WHERE is
the rebel base?
ILL NEVER TELL YOU! Kaleia screamed at Balmer and the
StoonTroopers. Torture me as you wish, but i will never divulge the
location of the secret rebel base.
I can respect that. Darth Balmer chuckled. He turned to the
StoonTroopers. Bring me 3 hours of motivational speeches by our
esteemed Emperor Gates!
The base is on Dantooine. Kaleia quickly stated.
Dantooine? I know not this place.
Monkey-ass, perhaps you better know it as San Jose she spat.
Excellent. Bridge, set a course for San Jose.
Yes sir came the call from the bridge. we just have to make
a quick stop at a Chevron to gas up, and so that Lloyd can take a
whiz.
DAMMIT! Darth bellowed. I TOLD Lloyd not to get that
slurpee at the Galactic MiniMall.
and so ends this section of the story. Kinda short, but thats what
happens when you accidentally erase a file. So i patched this together
fairly quick. a final product should arrive on your shelves in the
next 4-8 years.
ciao.
WindRider quad-p/remorse
CAST OF CHARACTERS: many to be seen in future chapters
Omi Skywalker
Empty Solo
Poly Fett
Emperor Gates
Darth Balmer
Chewie Protagawookie
Princess Kaleia
G0at2D2
B0ar3P0
Bugsy the Hut
y0whirrda
CainCor the Pit Monster
Dyone Calrissian
The Millennium Falc4nn
Admiral Necromango
Mon Reno
Obiwh0d Kenobi
Bib Oneduna
StoonTroopers
Grand Moff Seven
Tzeenwoks