a
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happy new years to everyone ou
t in compuworld!
the fourty first cia conspiracy rel
ease info..
Chapter I
..hello and welcome to novel writing, live from Brighto
n. this is the 41st cia conspiracy conta
ining artwork and other such things from the lat
ter part of 12/96 the earlier part of 1/97. As
you may have deducted, this is the information file
my name is napalm, secret agent double oh na
palm, this is my story
Chapter
On a cold and icy night in mid july a dark man wearing
nothing
but a plaid skirt and horse hair handed me an envelope. I
t was
clearly labeled: Member Information
..opening the envelope carefully i noticed a small scr
ap paper
with the words: new members printed on it in third
grade hand-
writing.. even the es were backwards, this could only mea
n one
thing.. empty had rejoined the group had taken o
ver the ascii
department while discyple takes a break. trying to rea
d his bad
penmanship i noticed the names of hellfire, sa
mmael, black jack
cyndicide joining ascii ranks, it also app
eared that trahma
wished to be referred to by his new secret agent n
ame, dark
entity, not to be confused with darkened emnity or w
hatever..
listed under ansi appeared the names ironghost,
sinister x,
mr. 4tune and estatic. The word zeul wa
s crossed out due to
a grevious spelling error and replaced with zeus
, like it
should have been last month sorry zii! ga
rf and sinister x
join the coding crew, tonto says hello to the
music department
and reebok returns to the lit side of things. read
ing on, i saw
that julian had been promoted to revival co-co
ordinator that
unholy spirit had become telecom coordinator
..by my feet i notice a small crumpled up piece of paper
with
even more names on it. wintamute takes off to
focus attention
everyones favorite 80s metal band and now art group
black
maiden. in early december agent nahal was take
n down by secret
school agents, rumor has it they clipped off tk
in the process.
i noticed that some names from last month were missing
from
both lists, it appeared that thay had actually been remove
d due
to inactivity or lack of contact with other cia members
Chapter I
..rumor had it that my arch enemy and master villan kn
own only
as shrike was back in town with a second releas
e of the all-
together evil music disk secretly dubbed chaos i
n an attempt
to throw me off the case. the un-marked package was relea
sed a
few weeks ago under the code name cia-dk02.zip. th
is reminds me
to be on the look out for cias next music release fro
m the
newly dubbed defunct music department which p
romises to be
even more powerful and deadly than the previous two. my s
ecret
photos even show the construction of a new playing utility
Chapter IV
..my continuing investigation led me to the down-to
wn area
known as the red canuck district. it was disg
usting! triple-x
theatres, 25 cent peep shows and countless
shops filled with
perverted literature, videos and sex
toys lined the streets. I
took it upon myself to explore each and every one of them
in my
search for clues. i was overwhelmed when i entered the
erotic
cakes shop to notice a software section with a prog
ram by our
very own agents, mighty mouse and fever. tit
s n asses filled
my sight as i gave their new sauce editor t
na1-1.zip in this
pack a twirl.. for purely scientific reasons. it seem
s that the
cryptology specialist mighty mouse has cracked th
e secret sauce
code of the Anti-Creativity In
dustry Domination group. it is now
available as a fat-free low-cal replacement for their ow
n evil
encoding software known only as project spoon
Chapter V
..while i was questioning the owner of the erotic cake
s shop as
to the whereabouts of agent tron my beeper sudde
nly went off a
strange message: .http://www.
creators.org. beep. what cou
ld it
possibly mean? after two weeks of testing decrypting,
mmouse
discovered that it was some sort of secret drop site p
rovided to
us by an allied crime fighting faction. when questioned ab
out it
they replied that construction was almost complete and tha
t some
preliminary public information drops would be occuring sho
rtly.
Chapter VI
..i returned to my office to sort out some of my clue
s.. i got
a call from agent telstar notifying me that group
of terrorists
known as the International Cumquat E
aters had stolen one of our
high-resolution archives from agent Digital Interface
. the work
was intended for our purposes and was not supposed to fal
l into
the hands of the malicious Cumquat Eaters. we have taken i
t upon
ourselves to release it again in its proper place, cia
Chapter VII
..after hours of exhausting work i decided to relax wi
th:
napalms music pick o the month: much to filths
dismay mts
relief it has nothing to do with the vandals, this month
it is
an album entitled Maxinquaye by Tricky, an
older album from them
but a winner none-the-less music pick of the month
associated
concepts, ideas or publications are registered trademarks
are
copyrighted by cia productions, 1993-1997 may not be bor
rowed,
stolen, re-used, or modified by any other groups in any
other
way, shape or form without the express written consent of
napalm
and the entire cia productions staff, US patent pending 37
337-9
Chapter VIII
..unfortunately my listening time was short as i was c
alled off
to file a lawsuit against those long-lived NJ based terr
orists
at the Brotherhood of Lamers Attem
pting to Dominate Earth. after
a short court appearance i decided to do some house-keepin
g.
aka random crap we say every damn month
a. just to set things straight.. there are
NO cia distro sites, so
puleeeeeeze dont ask for one, and for goodness sake, dont
claim
to be one.. only Hqs and member boards e
xist, see 0197memb.cia
b. applications: applications for agent p
ositions in ansi, ascii,
code, rip, vga, lit and music departments are currently
being
accepted.. If you want to be part of cia please create
a zip
with a few samples of your work best and worst
and include a
text file with your first name, phone number and email a
ddress
so that we may get back to you. send the zip either to t
he ftp
site, a cia bulletin board, or to another cia member w
ho can
get your application to either napalm, bchrome, empty, m
mouse
shrike, mister e, or telstar. please make sure your appli
cation
gets to the appropriate department head for review. see c
ontact
information in the member list for information on reachin
g cia.
c. there is a cia mailing list open to
the public to talk about
cia, cia affairs and general stuff! To subscribe simply
e-mail
listserver@wizy.uit.net, in the body of your emai
l include:
subscribe cia-public your@email.address
* due to some..er. problems the list is temp out
of service.
Chapter IX
..in a rampant fit of unbridled dyslexia, Luez
, the vga and rip
agent, started calling things like Noisivid 23 wei
rd names like
division 32 and aic the cryptic cia.. i hav
e not yet been
able to determine the cause of the sudden attack nor have
any of
our best cryptologists been able to crack the odd variatio
ns..
Chapter X
..with the case still unsolved, i decided to retire t
o my room
for the evening. there are still many clues to gather an
d many
suspects to question, without the help of the entire ci
a team
even this report would not have been possible. a great
thanks to
all, and to all a good night.
napalm, p.i.
*** Heres what others have said about
this award-winning novel! ***
- Simply amazing. We laughed, we cried, we w
et our pants, and that
was all before we even finished chapter one!
- Radkle and Manbert critics
- Bravo! Another suspensful tale of intrigue, mys
tery and dyslexic
vga artists! Yet another great addition to my napalm, p.i.
book
collection, keep up the good work!
- Mindrhyme Straight Razor Co
- I simply HATE cumquats! Brilliant work!
- Halatosis Fyre Fruit Growers of Am
erica
- Uh-hu-hu.. he said cumquat.
- Spandax Retirement Councelor
- AWEsome! I loved reading this one! I love eroti
c cakes!
- Flour baker
cIa