INCOMING TRANSMISSION . . .
DOWNLOADING . . .
DOWNLOAD COMPLETE
DISPLAYING COMMUNICATION . . .
Yo!
Its your boy, **REDACTED**. Got some bad news, bro.
PRESIDENT DONNIE has been kidnapped by the infamous,
SPACE NINJAZ. Were not releasing this info to the public
yet. Unfortunately, we need your help. Weve sent several
dudes to recover him but all attempts have failed.
Youre our last hope.
Are you a BAUD enough DUDE to rescue DONNIE?
If you are, GOTO AA
If you are not, GOTO AB
WTF4? GOTO AC
AA
Bitch! I was born ready.
You know that DONNIE would do the same, if the roles were
reversed. DONNIE and you go way back. You both grew up in
the same hood, Wirthton. It was pretty rad. Youd smoke and
hit up the local game center, Daniels Arcade Dojo, beat
up local crews, dance battles, yknow, the usual. Simple
beginnings, for not so simple men.
You two had grown apart over the years. Maybe it was
because he wanted to get into politics, and you just wanted
to be left alone. Who knows? You really havent been in
touch for the last 20 years or so. Whatever. If your homie
is in need of help, youre the dude for the job. Youve
been bashing skulls and crushing regimes for the past 15
years. Youre the dude.
You reply back to the holomail, Lets get it on.
Almost instantaneously, there is a rap upon your door.
Rhythmic. Methodical. Fucking robots.
Peering through your doors viewport, you notice a dark
suited, mechanical man. Why do they put them in suits?
Fucking social expirements everywhere.
SIR, WE WILL BE LEAVING IMMEDIATELY. IS THERE ANYTHING
YOU MAY WANT TO BRING?
Looking around your enclosure, you notice something you
might want to bring with you.
If you choose to bring your zippo lighter, GOTO BC
If you choose to bring a ham sandwich, GOTO BD
AB
You always felt that PREZ DONNIE was kind of a dick.
I mean, remember when you were in that elevator with him
and he totally farted. He always denied it and even kind
of implied you were in fact the one who farted.
Fuck that dude. This country could use a little change.
So, pour yourself a drink, take a bite of your pizza,
and enjoy the latest BLOCKTRONICS pack: BAUD DUDES.
GAME OVER
AC
What the fuck for?
You recall that one summer from your youth, when DONNIE
and you were at that one game center. Remember it? The
one on Main Street? What was it called again? Daniels
Arcade Dojo! That was it. Man, good times. Wait. Where
were we? Oh yeah, DONNIE. Remember when he totally took
your last guy in that beat em up game you two loved to
play. It was kind of a dick move.. but, you did beat the
game. Even though you had to sit out on the final boss
fight. Its one of your fondest memories of DONNIE before
he got into politics. You guys have drifted pretty far
apart since then. He never calls . . .
Do you decide to help your country, and DONNIE?
If you do, GOTO BA
If you do not, GOTO BB
BA
You reply back to the holomail. Ill do it.
Moments later there is a knock at the door. It is a dark
suited, mechanical man. Sometimes you wonder why the people
on top dont use the robots for situations like this.
Unfortuanetly, human life is still cheaper than robotics.
COME WITH US, SIR
You throw back your glass of whiskey, Lets do this.
The robot makes a crackling whistle, with the occasional
ping or click, into its wrist. It reminds you a lot of
the modems of yesteryear. Suddenly, a cyan light envelopes
you and you appear in a shiny, almost endless, corridor
with a pounding headache that rivals your worst hangover.
THE PRESIDENT IS LOCATED IN THE SUBLEVEL OF AREA B7
I WILL DOWNLOAD A MAP TO YOUR HOLOGEAR
The whirling, clicking, mechanical man hands you a small
metal container and asks you to step into a dark room
off to the side.
PLEASE BE QUICK, SIR. TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE
You crack open the box and fit yourself with the equipment
within. Ahhh, youd hoped that days like this were long
behind you. Fucking DONNIE.
Once you yank that final zipper up to your throat, the
room slowly starts to illuminate. Here we go, again.
You cock the blaster back and yell into the void ..
LETS GO FUCKERS!! I AINT GOT ALL DAY!
A slow rumble starts to build beneath your feet. A set of
two glowing circles appear before you. One white and one
red. You remember that youre supposed to stand on one of
them but .. man, its been so long that youve forgotten
which one is for the radiation blow back. Hmmmm ...
If you choose the white circle, GOTO CC
If you choose the red circle, GOTO CD
If you decide to call out for help, GOTO CE
BB
You cant help but feel like maybe its not worth it.
I mean, he hasnt sent you a birthday wish in over 20
years. You throw back a shot of tequila and decide to hit
the streets to further drown out your thoughts.
You stumble around the city, murmuring to yourself. Youre
accosted by a local street gang, but you make quick work
of them. Hehehe .. stupid punks. Thats when you notice
you are outside of Daniels Arcade Dojo.
Do you enter?
If you do, GOTO CA
If you do not, GOTO CB
BC
Knowing that you should probably snatch up your lucky zippo
before you go, you open your dresser drawer and shuffle
through the junk and notice a set of photos you havent
seen in a while.
You remember taking these photos at Daniels Arcade Dojo.
You usually avoided those little photo booths at arcades
but DONNIE had insisted. You guys look so young. You must
have misplaced your zippo because its not there. You head
back to the living room.
ARE YOU READY NOW?
You give the robot a little nod.
The robot makes a crackling whistle, with the occasional
ping or click, into its wrist. It reminds you a lot of
the modems of yesteryear. Suddenly, a cyan light envelopes
you and you appear in a shiny, almost endless, corridor
with a pounding headache that rivals your worst hangover.
THE PRESIDENT IS LOCATED IN THE SUBLEVEL OF AREA B7
I WILL DOWNLOAD A MAP TO YOUR HOLOGEAR
The whirling, clicking, mechanical man hands you a small
metal container and asks you to step into a dark room
off to the side.
PLEASE BE QUICK, SIR. TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE
You crack open the box and fit yourself with the equipment
within. Ahhh, youd hoped that days like this were long
behind you. Fucking DONNIE.
Once you yank that final zipper up to your throat, the
room slowly starts to illuminate. Here we go, again.
You cock the blaster back and yell into the void ..
LETS GO FUCKERS!! I AINT GOT ALL DAY!
A slow rumble starts to build beneath your feet. A set of
two glowing circles appear before you. One white and one
red. You remember that youre supposed to stand on one of
them but .. man, its been so long that youve forgotten
which one is for the radiation blow back. Hmmmm ...
If you choose the white circle, GOTO CC
If you choose the red circle, GOTO CD
If you decide to call out for help, GOTO CE
BD
Remembering that you have a sandwich tucked away in your
refridgerator, you walk into the kitchen. You open the
fridge and notice a can of soda next to the sandwich. You
grab them both. Walking back into the living room, the robot
approaches you.
ARE YOU READY NOW?
You give the robot a slight nod.
The robot raises its arm up and starts to emit a high-
pitched squeal, with the occasional click, into its wrist.
It sort of reminds you of the sounds that dial-up modems
made in your youth.
Suddenly, a cyan colored light envelopes your body. As, you
start to dematerialize, you can feel the can of soda heat up
immensely. The can bursts right before transportation,
covering you with a burning gel. GAHHhhh!! Your screams
are sucked into the void.
Uh oh. Youre not sure if it was the soda, or the sandwich,
but for whatever reason, the rematerialization process
didnt quite go as planned. You longer appear to be a man.
You are now a pig.
WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR SUBJECT? THIS APPEARS TO BE A PIG
The robot disintegrates you right on the spot.
GAME OVER
Thank you for playing. Now enjoy BLOCKTRONICS : BAUD DUDES
CA
Ahhh ... It still smells the same. A mix of popcorn, spilt
soda, and teenage sweat. What a treat. You roam around the
arcade floor and notice that a lot of your favorite games
are gone. Times, they are a-changing. Most of these kids
dont know what theyre missing. You notice something on
the floor. A single credit! You dont see these anymore.
Most of these games just take palm scans.. but somehow,
over the pounding bass of the newest rhythm game, you hear
those familiar beeps and boops. ITS NINJA DRAGON! The game
DONNIE and you had played all those years ago. Man, its
been some time. You wonder if you stil got it. You destroy
the first couple of levels but are ultimately defeated.
Thats when you notice the HI-SCORE screen. You see a set
of initials you know.. your own. But how can that be? You
havent-- thats when you remember. DONNIE. DONNIE had put
your initials in after he beat the game. Youre overwhelmed
with feelings. I guess he wasnt so bad after all.
Just then, a crackly voiced teenager blasts over the sound
system, WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT THE PRESIDENT HAS
BEEN ASSASSINATED!! PRESIDENT DONNIE DRUMPH IS DEAD!! The
news rips through you like a dull, cold butter knife.
GAME OVER
Thank you for playing. Now enjoy BLOCKTRONICS : BAUD DUDES
CB
You wander around the city some more until you come to a
crowded strip mall. Wanting to avoid the crowds you take a
short cut through an alley. You find a group of young kids
huddled around something, kicking and screaming.
You manage to punch a couple of the kids in their face
before they run away. Suddenly, you notice what the kids
had been kicking. Poor dog. Kids can be so cruel. You toss
your coat around the thing and bring it home with you.
It takes a couple of weeks, but you manage to mend most of
the dogs injuries. Youve grown so attatched to him that
you decided to take him in. You call him DONNIE.
GAME OVER
Thank you for playing. Now enjoy BLOCKTRONICS : BAUD DUDES
CC
Stepping onto the white pad, your body starts to feel that
familiar warmth. Ahh, what a relief. It would have been a
real bummer if you ha--
Ooh. Its getting a little warmer than you remember.
Shit. It was the white one, right?
You feel your insides start to bubble up like when that kid,
MIKEY drank some Jolt Cola and ate some Pop Rocks at the
same time. Wait, was it Jol--
You devolve into a pink-ish-purple pile of puke.
Whoops.
GAME OVER
Thank you for playing. Now enjoy BLOCKTRONICS : BAUD DUDES
CD
Stepping onto the red pad, you feel a slight tingle come
up through your feet. Slowly, a comfortable warmth begins
to radiate from within you. Ahh, what a relief. You hear
a loud boom and you are instantly transported into what
appears to be a storage facility. Many large shelves and
containers fill up this spacious area. You notice a giant
67 painted on the side of a wall.
Well, they certainly cut right to the chase.
You check the map on your hologear, and notice that DONNIE
is close. In fact, he appears to be several hundred feet
below you. You look around for a way down. You find an
elevator and a hatch.
Which route do you choose?
If you decide to take the elevator, GOTO DA
If you decide to take the hatch, GOTO DB
CE
You decide that its best to play safe.
Uh, guys. Its been a while. Which circle is it again?
YOU HAVE REACHED THE LIMIT FOR OUR ALLOTTED GOVERNMENT
EXPENDITURES. THIS PROGRAM WILL NOW BE TERMINATED.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION
Uhh .. wait, what? I just wan--
Suddenly, a blinding light melts the eyeballs out of your
skull as you feel your flesh start to bubble and evaporate.
Bummer.
GAME OVER
Thank you for playing. Now enjoy BLOCKTRONICS : BAUD DUDES
DA
Walking over to the elevator, a bright light shines down on
you. Suddenly, from the rafters .. SPACE NINJAZ!
Like SPACE NINJAZ often do, they come at you one by one.
You manage to take most of them out with some serious leg
work. Nice kicks, dude! You figure the rest were scared of
you because they ran away.
Thats right! Run away you little bitc--
* BOOM *
* BOOM *
Shiiiit.
Out from the shadows, steps KING SPACE NINJA himself,
VONRAK.
If you choose to run, GOTO EA
If you choose to stand and fight, GOTO EB
DB
You make your way to the hatch. As you open it, it gives off
a mighty, metal screech! It reminds you of Godzilla. It
appears that no one was around to hear. Thank goodness!
You peer into the hatch and find a ladder attatched to the
wall. You also see DONNIE tied up to a chair. You step onto
the ladder and grip the rails for support. You make it a
couple of rungs down before the ladder gives way. You fall
to your messy death.
GAME OVER
Thank you for playing. Now enjoy BLOCKTRONICS : BAUD DUDES
EA
You attempt to make a break for the elevator. As you run up
to the button panel, you lunge for the down arrow. You tap
the button with all the fervor you can manage. Thats some
serious button mashing, dude!
* BOOM * BOOM * BOOM *
VONRAK comes charging right at you.
* BOOM * BOOM * BOOM *
tap. tap. tap. tap. tap. tap. tap.
Shit. Cmon! Cmon!
tap. tap. tap. * BOOM * tap. tap. tap. * BOOM *
VONRAK scoops you up in his mighty fist, and smashes your
body into the wall, turning you into pink jelly.
GAME OVER
Thank you for playing. Now enjoy BLOCKTRONICS : BAUD DUDES
EB
Choosing to stand and fight, you face VONRAK. He towers
over you, blocking out the light. He throws a mean right
into your side. You can feel your ribs bust under his fist
as you are launched against the wall. Bracing your side,
you pull out your blaster and put a few into his knees.
The mighty VONRAK hits the floor. Continuing to empty your
plasma cartridges into his boody, you shuffle your way to
the elevator. Slapping the buttons as fast as you can,
VONRAK tries to make it to his feet. You put one last shot
right into his left eye.
* DING *
You fall back into the elevator, and gradually lose
consciousness . . .
You awaken to a familiar voice.
Hey dude, thanks for rescuing me. Lets go for a burger.
Its DONNIE.
GAME OVER
Thank you for playing. Now enjoy BLOCKTRONICS : BAUD DUDES