the edge - volume 3, issue 11 by captain angst man
the edge - volume 3, issue 11 by captain angst man
happy new year from our staff ... this is the sci-f
i channel, welcome to
+@
-@
@!the edge is published monthly as an information text
on blade productions!@
+@
-@
the edge - the blade informational textfile -
volume 3 / issue 11
more angst than a grunge band
, we are blade!
contents -
1.
the edge volume 3, issue 11
2. the mem
bers december, 1996
3.
the affiliates december,
1996
welcome to the january blade epic!
the year of the blade nation is upon us. dont you
even THINK about
getting anywhere near our
treehouse.
oom!
well step on your silly littles toes, spit on yo
ur mommy!
well pick up your house
shake it around and hold it
upside down shake it
around again
watch you your dumb
lips fall out into a heap of flaming el
ephant
turds!
phear the killer gopher!
phear bel
ial, for he is an artist
this is a piece of my
computer. its an ide card!
phear it!
i resent that i have to do the art for this issue o
f
the edge. however, i AM such a great
artist see above, so
its really no big deal.
!@@*@
i dare you to decode that into elite-
speak!
phear us for we are the blade nation. we are
so elite that it hurts really
a lot bad. we own a lot of stuff
and were really pretty cool!
this is decoded using uudecode.
uh, well, i guess i decoded it.
im such
a stain!
b3l14
l!?bL4D3s3n10rtYp3d0od!?
oonce..oonce..oonce
uhm, can i have a little oonce with that turke
y club?
hey, its grey hawk, blades official ide card sup
plier.
ive got mad underground connectionz wif da us
ed-packaged-hell-parts
distribution network.
this month, blade took over the world.
ok, well maybe not. next month..
be on the lookout for the official blade acquisitio
ns list.
ninety-seven is upon us only three years until 2k.
start counting, because, uhm, som
ething.
grey hawk
nyuk nyuk. yup, this is the almighty cappacino, rep
orting from
the blade temple. Darkness has once again been p
ushed
back into the receeds from, err, wherever or sumfin
at this point, I would
say something unusually rahd and utterly
insane, but at this hour checks watch,
I fear it would interrupt ingenious
acts of massive thought processes,
ruining future lit stuffs and what-
not, so I just wont do that then. roof.
dont you
hate
moving from side
2 side like Im
just fuckin wif
j0r
head shit
???
now, to finish and take up yet MORE space, um, peac
e out and lates yall.
-! c
appacino !-
. . -! the lit
w00p w00p...
this is krypt0 speaking... i rule the world of the
armidillos and
control the supply of Jolt throughout the world. I
f you want some rad
and life giving
Jolt send me 15 in an envelope in unmarked bills
adressed to
krypt0 living at 14 Tall Oaks
Drive Hazlet, NJ 07730. Anywayz im really
cold and hungry so like hold on so i can get a dri
nk and some
SweetTarts R woof woof this is krypt0 lameass
other half
speaking erple i can talk to the aliens
they are
planning a massive takeover of the armadillo natio
n before the next
year.. ouch get the hell off of
me... this is krypt0 speaking
i bet you are thinking im a damn freak well youre
right
in case u havnt noticed i hate punkuatio
n and spelling
things correctly and im a punk... 0i 0i 0i! I like
to ramble on... and on... and on... an
d on... and on.... and
well i think u getthe picture anywayz im leaving ca
use im bored i just felt
like typing and stuff li
ke that bye!
i know
this sux
ass! dont hate me
cause of it
krypt0
so, can you guys tell why krypt0 isnt in blade?
HAH! me, too! your phearious leader,
mindcrime, here, to let you in on the rest
of the phearsome news from the blade
front this month.
the first order of business, as the hawk
already mentioned, is this months blade natio
n acquisition list!
we picked up alot of stuff this month on our quest
for world
domination. heres the list:
the red bank, nj, 7-11.
the sea bright, nj, 7-11.
the little silver, nj, 7-11.
the beachwood, nj, 7-11.
the holmdel, nj, 7-11.
the keyport, nj, wawa.
the beachwood, nj, wawa.
the bowling alley in hazlet, nj, where we
school people at air hockey.
a highlander-esque katana sword.
2 hand-sculptured gargoyles.
electronic arts.
a keyboard, 4 IDE cards, 2 hard drives,
4 mother boards, 3 486 chips, a 14
monitor, a case and
power supply, a diamond video card,
a mouse, ide cables, and a lamp-style
pull cord switch for the pc speaker.
edicius sisters new truck.
4 trance cds and an amorphis cd.
a coconut custard pie.
4 cans of red powdery stuff.
chrystler.
usrobotics.
a small island nation in the south pacific.
37 AOL floppies and 4 cds.
the egghead in eatontown, nj.
pc city in holmdel, nj.
a gothic candle holder, with smelly candle.
a dent in the side of grey hawks car.
a new vcr.
dimes friend rachel.
a pron video with awesome lesbian scenes.
jolt cola. the whole company.
pepsi-cola, the makers of mountain dew.
cancer, the disease. were looking to sell this o
ne,
so if anyone wants it, make an offer.
ireland.
taco bell.
barnes noble.
route 18.
hig
hway 35.
the lady that hit grey hawks crx.
angst.
mcdonalds.
windex.
television.
2600.
the entire race of ecuadorian mountain llamas huh
uhuh, we
brandished them wi
th a B, uhuhuhuhuh...
the knights of ni
a stoned dominos pizza man, and his res
pective establishment
krypt0, who hasnt been ACCEPTED into Blade, so we ju
st said fuxit
and we assimilated him were still wor
king on what he can do.
due to cappacinos mixed black/hispanic background
, the entire
island of Puerto Rico and a small
African island inhabited by
savages. we havent told
them yet.
jackie chan insert corny kung-fu fighting line
here
um, like all those Roy Rogers that got bought out,
ahem we did that
sorry and stuff.
a brand-spanking new tessels coi
l for your enjoyment!
HOWARD STERN!!! I dont give if you thought you go
t him first, hes
ours.
TV47: univision the channel with all the dancing, ha
lf-naked puerto-
rican hoochie-mammas!?@ come
to poppi!
a barrage of new ideas, for lik
e stuff.
acid burn, from the movie hackers.
a broken aiwa cd player.
nintendo.
advanced gravis.
and last, but certainly not least.. canada.
alright.. thats a pretty feeble list, but we assur
e
you that next months will be much larger!
which brings me to the unveiling of something we l
ike
to call the blade nation...
we, the members of blade productions, wish it
to be known that the newly formed blade nation wil
l
conquer the earth. world domination is our goal!
well stop at nothing until all of you
silly humans belong to us! we own you!
now go away, before i taunt you a second time!
and now, cappacino would like to break in with a w
ork
of fiction to introduce the power of the blade nati
on.
a brown-skinned man, extremely clean cut, donning
a black cloak
with an under shirt which comes up to cover his neck
, sits at a bar in some
godforsaken place. His head is hooded, and the othe
rs here in the bar
take little notice in his actions, nor do they ackno
wledge his presence.
in front of him, sitting on the bar, is a large book
with a single word
and a few, hard to decipher symbols, written on its
cover. Next to the
large book, sitting directly on the bar is a cup, as
was placed there by
the brown-skinned man only seconds before. The bar
fell almost to silence,
and in the door stepped belial
and edicius. They were d
onned to the like-
ness of the brown-skinned man, and upon entering the
y scanned the inside
of the tavern. edicius noted a man sitting near the
wall opposite their
companion at the bar, eyeing the brown-skinned man a
nd themselves. belial
himself noted a few heavily armed men who posed as o
ff-duty gaurds, though
it was obvious that they were not. b
elial kept his face stern, containing
laughter, as edicius wispered something in his ear.
belial looked up, cau
ght
by something that he said, and noticed the brown-ski
nned man. as belial
and edicius entered the tavern, a few more black-rob
ed figures entered close
after. The feigning gaurds became nervous at this,
flashing to the shady
man across the bar a questioning look, to which he r
eplied with a smooth,
swift, downward gesture of his hand, which seemed to
pacify the gaurds for
the moment. belial, followed by edicius,
grey hawk, g
rymmjack, kiwi, a
nd
ravaged wanderer, made their way th
rough the seady tavern over to the
bar. the brown-skinned man picked up his cup of ste
amy brown liquid and
continued to drink carefully from it as the shady ch
aracter across the
room eyed him intently now he turned and looked at
the man, straight in
the eye, and it seemed, for that short moment, the b
rown-skinned mans eye
sparkled and a wicked grin creased his face.
belial approached the black-robed man at the bar,
putting his hand
on the mans shoulder. the man broke out of a sort o
f trance in which he had
been staring across the room, and he turned on his s
tool to face him. belial
revealed a smile and said, greetings
cappacino, you old dolt. how
are you
man?
cappacino smiled in return, as he turned to the ba
r. As he did so,
he showed belial a seat on the stool next to his and
he wispered something
about him being followed, and that evil things were
afoot. belial took it
in, as did edicius, who until now, belial hadnt kno
wn was listening. The
rest of the companions took seats on both sides of t
he two friends, and they
rested, if only briefly, in the strange comfort of t
he KrimRock Tavern.
the guards, who were kept just barely in sight by
grey hawk, began
to become extremely restless as the companions sat s
omewhat cheerily at the
bar. grey mentioned this to whit
e raven, who had just entered, and he told
him to be ready for anything.
Along with white raven came mass murde
rer, pw,
spear, and the fear-
less leader, mindcrime. On the en
trance of mindcrime, the shady character
across the room became visibly enraged. white raven
and grey hawk mentioned
this to belial, who turned to see the guards standin
g up, brandishing their
weapons. belial was alarmed at this, and he shouted,
ATTACK!
At that moment, in through the front AND back door
s ran the squad:
hard liquor, luke sky
, meltdown, n
atural, exar,
underling, creator
and lucife
then chaos errupted!
The supposed drunks which had taken residence at a
ll the tables in
the barroom had now emerged from drunked slumber, ap
parently ready to fight,
be it with bare hands or with weapons which would ap
parently appear out of
thin air.
And within moments, the entire barroom was consume
d in combat. All
except for the small spot in which cappacino sat, ca
lmly drinking his odd
hot drink.
Then, one of the guards knocked dimes and luthor u
nconsious in two
swift moves, and proceeded to his main goal: the boo
k which cappacino poss-
essed. cappacino, still taking in his drink, seemed
not to notice the rushing
guard as he knocked companion after companion out of
his way.
once cappacino put the drink down, he laid his han
d on the book as
the guard reached for it. cappacino closed his eyes
and wispered under the
sounds of breaking bottles and flying chairs strange
words which he just
barely finished before the guard knocked him off his
stool with the back of
his brawny hand.
while the guard flung capp out of the way,
the book glowed eerily
on the removal of his magical touch. the guard, obvi
ously content with his
recovery of the Tome, reached for it eagerly. the sm
ile that creased his
face turned quickly to shock, however, as his unfami
liar hands wrapped them-
selves around the book, and a magical shock shot thr
ough his body.
the book glowed an evil, dark red, and the golden
B on the cover
was blinding in its light. The sparks and violent fl
ashes of light that had
seemed dark in their intent flew and danced up the g
uards arm and into his
body.
cappacino was on his feet now, his hood once again
covered his face,
a clean smile of satisfaction spanned his face in th
e darkness his hood pro-
vided as the life was shocked out of the guards bod
y to make room for the
magic which now was probably the only thing holding
him upright.
capp felt the eyes of both his companions and thos
e they were fight-
ing on him, as all action in the room had stopped si
nce the light display had
begun. In a swift action, capp grabbed the book from
under the guards hand
and turned to the others in the room, leaving the gu
ards body to fall life-
less to the ground.
he held the book out, gripping it by the sides so
that the front of
the cover was facing all others in the room. The com
panions, as well as every
one else dared not stir, for they feared the same fa
te that befell the guard.
capp closed his eyes once again as he held the magic
al tome all others
watched in unrevealed terror as he recited wispers u
nto the now-quiet barroom
the black tome began to flow again no
w, not the eerie red light as
before. No, this was a bright, almost divine, light
which seemed more of a
shine, and it increased, brighter and brighter. Capp
s companions, his fellow
blade-clan, looked as the light filled the room to s
ee that those they were
fighting were gone the echo of terrified screams fl
oated almost lazily aroun
the room until it died away.
later on that day, after all had rested, mindcrime
and the almighty Q
approached cappacino as he stared into the
sunset, and they asked, what
happened back in the barroom?
capp did not turn, but he did answer, such is tha
t of an inner power
that you nor the entire world knows. we possess it,
and should we use it, the
world would be ours.
mindcrime and Q looked at each other
uneasily.
...such is the power of the blade clan, a power n
ever before seen on
this earth, and, once it is gone, one that
will never be seen again.
wEEEEEoooOO! we own you!
and now, a free for all section! like this whole i
nfo file
isnt a free for all already..
this in from risu ::
hi. its me r
isu..ni hao m
a? i will d
edicate this part o
f the infofile to
uhm
the weirdos in t
he art scene..u
hm...you guys s
hould be able t
o read this...
ni hao..wo shi risu, ni chi da bien..wo de jiji hen da
..ni de mama hen hao..wo
xihuan zai chuang shang gen ta zuo ai..ta de pi goo ye
n hen tsoh! uhmm
okay..thats enuff
--..okay..uhm
hi
...i dont know if any of you know me..but im risu..o
n irc im risubisu
..i dont take requests..and i dont need to be paid t
o do ansis..uhm..wait
oh..okay...i only trade..unless if you really wanna pa
y..then thats fine too..
uhm...or you might get something from me if i feel rea
l nice..which will be th
day i screw g0at...so hook me up w/ g0at and i will gi
ve you a free ansi..
..okay...bl4de..i think everyone should join blade
bzzt
mindcrime has big nads...i know because b3 told me..
.theyre sex partners...uhm
i would like you to take a blade survey
1. what is your favorite art group? 2.
Who is the coolest?
a. blade a. mindcrime
b. ice b. friar tuck
c. cia c. napalm
d. acid d. radman
3. which is the best viewer? 4. who i
s the best in bed?
a. bladeview a. b3lial
b. iceview b. transient
c. ciaview c. cyndicide
d. acidview d. catbones
scores as shown
for every a. give yourself 5 points
for every b. give yourself 4 points
for every c. give yourself 3 points
for every d. give yourself 2 points
17-20 is excellent
13-16 is pretty good
8-12 is pretty..bad
thank you for your screwy time..
and this from diarmuid!
Did you ever wonder?
Did you ever wonder how we got here? Well I did, and
this is my theory.
You see, we are all part of a big experament. Our crea
tors who are some
type of alien created us. Much like we create small
eco-systems but on
much larger scale. The aliens put us here to experamen
t with us, see how
we evolve etc. This is why they come back to visit us
How did I come to this theory? Well, I smoked a bit to
o many scooby snacks
Other theories to come: Why when you eat corn, its sti
ll corn when you
shit it out.
What the old man in the park R
EALLY had in his
pocket. no, it wasnt can
dy like he told
us!
And finally, what that smell
is comming from
Mindcrimes room. This wil
l be a two parter
Diarmuid blades 1st and ONLY PROMOTED KeyGrip!
in actual news this month, virago has lef
t blade due
to a conflict of interest. we wish her well
in her future endeavors.
pennywise has changes his handle
to unique phreak.
queerkilla, a virtual ascii god, has joine
d up with
us to produce his wacky ascii.
exar-kun has been promoted to the position
of ascii
coordinator, after meltdown stepped down
due to a loathing for the ascii art.
okay.. im totally not in the mood to write this!
so its gunna
stop here! my apologies for such a sorry excuse
for an issue of the edge. we promise nex
t month
will be much better.
blade.
gj!
all the sugar and twice the caffeine.
the members, december 1996
leader of the revolution:
AI-L- mindcrime .............
........................... mike@exit109
.com
senior staff:
-I-L- belial .senior adviso
r.......................... m
arc@netlabs.net
---L- edicius .....................
.................... edi@cybercomm.net
AI--- grey hawk ...................
.................... grey@infi-pos.com
coordinators:
---L- cappacino.litera
ture.......................
cbowers@superlink.net
CODE- dark knight .codin
g.............................
darky@execpc.com
-I--- exar-kun .ascii
koondog@ix.netcom.com
A---M grymmjack .music
grymmy@alliance.net
A---- metallic blood .gl
obal.....................................
A---- white raven .ansi
--V-- xEDGEx .high resol
ution.................... aho
pesc@superlink.com
members:
--V-- aninimal ....................
.................... aninimal@cris.com
--V-- charr ..........................
................. charr@matches.com
* A-V-- creator .............
......................... pursuit@xmissi
on.com
----M dead soul ...................
FTP-- dimes .......................
................ sdiamond@skidmore.edu
---L- dyz .........................
-I--- exar kun ....................
................ koondog@ix.netcom.
com
INFO- flare .......................
................. sggamals@oakland.edu
-I--- hard liqour .................
-I--- ironman ................
--V-- kyo .........................
A---- kiwi ...........................
..... kiwi.justice@sylvania.sev.org
---L- q ...........................
........................ hu.86@osu.edu
--V-- liquid blue .................
.................... disco@javanet.com
---L- lonestar ....................
............... ttoth@earth.execpc.com
AI--- lucifer .....................
................. lucifer@injersey.com
* ---L- luke skywalker ......
* AI--- mass murderer .......
............................. murd@digif
ro.com -I--- meltdown .
-I--- oxidizer ....................
----M paladin .....................
-I--- queerkilla .....................
--V-- raveged wanderer ............
...................... rw@shocking.com
A---- rebal .......................
.................... slntrage@cris.com
-I--- risu ........................
................... puke@ix.netcom.com
* A---- spear ...............
* A---- splatt ..............
A---- subconsciousness ............
................. syphid@infomatch.com
-I--- the illusionist .............
-I--- the masked marauder ...
-I--- the natural .................
............. tnatural@outerlimits.net
-I--- torgo .......................
.................. torgo@geocities.com
WAREZ toth ..................
---L- tron powerhouse .............
..................... tronepic@tir.com
-I--- tzeentch ....................
---L- underling ...................
A---- unique phreak ...............
-I--- zempf .......................
---L- zion ........................
alumni:
----- counterpoint ................
----- darkman .....................
----- errant angel ................
----- facsimile ...................
----- flux ........................
----- soul seeker .................
................ soulman@cybercomm.net
----- tourian .....................
............. tourian@angel.heaven.god
* - denotes known dual gro
upers.
! - several people have been deleted from this l
ist due to inactivity.
this does not necassarily constitut
e removal from the group.
th
e affiliates, december 1996
alderaan 908 mindcrime
- galactic temple
apocalypse 201 napalm
- eastern shrine
harvest moon 216 quran
- central shrine
divine madness 810
creator - wester
n shrine
free coke 514 the night an
gel - canadian shrine
neo tokyo +32 tasmaniac
- european shrine
arcane +61 intense -
australian shrine
prevail +46
rex - swedish shrine
mental overdose +32 zarkof
- belgian shrine
altconn +55 starfox
- brazilian shrine
ravebase +41 maverick
- swiss shrine
optical illusion +47 pyx
- norwegian shrine
ironyx +31 radi
cal - dutch shrine
twist of fate 810 flare
- distribution outpost
the rebel base 718 luke sk
ywalker - distribution outpost
email - mike@exit109.com
blade www home page - http://www.exit109.com
/mike/blade
ftp - 141.222.120.89 /blade
end of file!