the edge - volume 3, issue 10! by satan clause
the edge - volume 3, issue 10! by satan clause
the
logo by spe
ar
+@
-@
@!the edge is published monthly as an in
blade
productions!@
+@
-@
the edge - the blade informational textfile -
volume 3 / issue 10
i dont think im weird enough t
o be in blade - exar kun
contents -
1.
the edge volume 3, issue 10
2. the mem
bers december, 1996
3.
the affiliates december,
1996
DONT LICK A POLAR BEARS LIVER EITHER
start cthulu.
The door swings unexpectedly in a freak gust
of wind. Funnels of
sand spin onto the worn hardwood floor. Realizing th
eir misplacement, they
attempt to whirl, like discorporeal dervishes, back t
o the nurturing source
of their sterile sands. They fall, lifeless, inches
from the door. Th
erattle of their descent is noted by one of three bor
ed tellers, who slowly
advances on them weilding a tattered broom.
He starts as the sands rise again in futility
as the door opens, but
his attention is not gotten so much by the tumbling g
rains as by the
black-clad man advancing through the doorway and towa
rds him. He backs away
in unjustifiable terror from the man and the two sack
s he bears and,
dropping the broom behind him, he vaults over the cou
nter and rolls under
his desk.
It is this last motion which rouses the other
two tellers from their
reverie. Blinking unexpectedly at the man in black,
they shrink back
imperceptibly and cringe as he approaches the counter
The man stops at the first cubicle. He hands
one of the two sacks
to the trembling teller and says, in a low, growley v
oice, Fillit with
cash, mate. At this, the teller regains some of his
professional composure
and protests. Without intendin toffend, mate, bu
t whatll you do ta me
if I dont?
The would-be robber lifts the second sack to
head level. It is
clear that the sack is not empty, as the contents adj
ust uneasily. Cane
toads, mate. Ill make you lickem. You bastard,
started the teller in
incredulity, How dye think ye kind get me to lick t
hat flamin...
With one fluid motion, the robber withdraws a
toad from the sack and
plunges it down the tellers throat. The teller reco
ils in shock and falls
backwards, lifeless, to the ground. Awwroit... oiv
e got me three moah
toads in this here sack. Eithah of yew two gonna be
an ero?
end cthulu, start belial.
anyway, the tu
rtle was saying,
you with the cane toad, lay off the j
elly-beans!
meet the monkey in
his natural habitat...
nudge nudge!
no bios, no history, no info
whatsoever...
this month, an army of killer gophers came int
o the blade fortress
and stole mindc
rimes hot sister
and held her hostage for a few
days. angst ensued!
field commander belial q
uickly gathered a band of merry
heroes to attempt to r
escue the fair
damsel.
im a hero! belial commented.
if anyone can save her, nudge i
can!
going with
belial on his mission was:
edicius,
dimes,
filling out the rost
er:
jason buddy the
yre goth in real life!
they set out on a dark and sto
rmy haw! night...
this sun is killing me! buddy said.
badgers? belial
said. we dont need no stinking
badgers!
get off my toes, you sons o! edicius
said
you! what are you? a
mute?
wintermute?
i got it! belial said,
throwing the horse out the window.
The En
d!
end bel
ial, start mindcrime. belial fell asleep.
have you ever been hit over the he
ad with
some wire-reinforced ripple glass? it hurts.
special report: this just i
n.
kiwi, in a last ditch effort to be
like his idle, the grinch, and
steal christmas, h
as packed up his wiffle ball
and wiffle knife
and is heading down
... er.. up to the north poll to kick
some serious
santa as
s. word has it that the
jolly one has caught word of this terrorist a
ttack and
will
be moving south
for the holidays. well
keep
you posted
im a chemist! look at my buckyba
ll!
okay, so a welder, a car
penter, and a
glassblower were sitting in a boat. the w
elder
turned to the glassblower a
nd said give me back
my iron, beotch!
so the glassblower said wh
o, me?! i dont
have your i
ron. what the hell is
an iron anyway?
so the carpenter turned to them
and said quit
bickering and give me some wood.
in unison, the glassblower
and welder said
wood? we give no wood.
and then a golfer showed up
and said i took your
iron, now shutup and blow me some gla
so i was sURFIN the web with my elit
e new copy of
ncsa mosaic and my 286/16 with a 300 baud m
odem, right? and i
come across this pron p
icture of
alicia silverstone. so i say to mys
elf hot diggety damn! and i start
downloading it with my elite, stat
e-of-the-art xmodem
protocol. two weeks later, when the dow
nload
was
done, i found out
it was a fake! FUCKIN
G ANGST.
SATAN! ANGST!
ANGST
ANGST!
ANGST!!!!!!
remember when The Edge actually had blad
e NEWS in it?
snicker
warning: blast from the past ahead! cauti
on!
Welcome to another exciting Blade Epic
! This month, we were all really
happy to be a part of this great ansi art scene, so
we drew alot of really
nice ansi, and even some VGA!!! Thats right folks,
it was a really neat
month! And you know what? We gained lots of new memb
ers, too! Im so proud
to be the leader of such a great bunch of guys!
alright, enough of tha
t... im getting sick.
in IRC news this month, we
all idled! SO,
I present to you, in its entirety, lu
ke skywalkers ode to blade!
and the natives rejoiced... yay.
If you want to find us, check on
irc
We hang in blade, the fr
eshest place to be
We chill all day long, though were nev
er around
Our screen names are listed, but were nowhe
re to be found
For the magic of Blade is
the power of away
And in Blade we sit idle,
each and every day
You ask why we do it, but the answer I
have not
For Im not around, but my screen name wil
l sit and rot
We no longer have a bot, and were often w
ithout an op
But since no ones around, theres no need f
or a @ to drop
To those who dont know, the room is al
ways full
But to those who want Mindcrime,
you know its a bunch of bull
That lazy bastard is never arou
nd
But no matter the time of day, his nick w
ill be found
The same goes for Belial, w
hose b3 sits there proud
Atop all other nicks, surveying the
crowd
Lets not forget Dimes wh
o too idles all day long
Bitz and Ediciu
s also sing the Away song
DJ Bender is often ther
e, as idle as the rest
I hate these fucking idlers, I really mu
st protest!
No longer can I pretend that idleness
is cool
No longer will I let you play me for
the fool
Because I am always awake along with is
Meltdown and Exar
Grymmjack too is often alive,
and Diarmuid is never too far
But idle as they are, the boys are stil
l the best
When theyre awake its worth the wait so let t
hem get their rest
So let this be a warning, to all you I
RC fools
Although they are all idle, the boys of
Blade rule!
that luke is just one
FUN-E guy, isnt he? we love you,
luke! use the force! nyuk nyuk
okay, so, like, yeah, well
, um, huh, werd.
its christmas time agai
n, folks! and you know what
that means... PRESENTS!!!!!!
!!!!! weeeeeEEEee!
so, as my present to you all, heres a nift
y poem about
the holiday season as we celebr
ate it here in the
blade nation.
exar-kuns doing the b
reast stroke again, UH-GANE
kiwi and g
rymmjack have hijacked a plane.
were gunna fly around the world bringing man
y joys
to all the sexy girls and mayb
e some boys.
well drink lots of jolt and spread ch
ristmas cheer,
to the adults well give ansi and the kids well g
ive beer.
with christmas we c
elebrate the birth of our god,
even though i wasnt born on december 25th.
okay! that was fun. i love short poems that fai
l to rhyme.
oh, but wait! blade
is a politically correct
group, so we now have to celebrate
hanukkah and kwanza!
hanukkah is a december holiday t
oo
but you might not know it unless youre a j
ew.
they celebrate the festival of lights with one
of those candlesticks,
they eat unleven bread and that fish stuff even thou
gh it licks.
kwanza is a hol
iday nobody knows about,
even me.
alright.. seriously folks, no disrespect meant
to anyone with
those poems. we here at the blade n
ation wish everyone a safe
and happy holiday season. this may be a fun ti
me of year and
a profitable one, at that, but please, don
t forget why we
celebrate these holidays.hint: its not for a
ll the beer and
egg nog.
TAKE THEM TO THE IRON MAID
EN!
EXCELLENT!
insert air guitar here
EXECUT
E THEM!
BOGUS...
the blade senior staff we
nt on an outing this month!
thats right, we went to see ANTHRAX
and GWAR! THEY KICK ASS!
alright, so we
didnt.. but that
would have been really cool
want to know why grymmjack
, that pimp daddy font and track
master boy, only had one albeit awesome logo
in this pack?
his guinea pig got loose and
climbed inside his
computer and chewed through his hard drive. t
hose little
fuckers have s
ome seriously
strong
teeth!
oh yeah, and the great topiary
gardener in the sky
told grymmy not to take requests anymore. SO
DONT ASK.
this month, we have two
guest artists who
were gracious enough to do joint works w
ith
some of our own members. thank
s to tomppa1 the
vga MACK DADDY and schtroumpf
lIT bOY for their
con
tributions.
on thanksgiving,
little funky negro decided he needed
more action in his life, and the bickering
of relatives
didnt h
elp the matter much.
so, he strapped on an
orco man outfit,
pulled out
his rAID mAX aNT
kILLER, and became ...
dun dun dun.. THE EXTERMINATOR.
so far, we havent been able to catch up with
him for an interv
iew, but we hear
that hes now wanted in 48
states.
it seems in wisconsin things like this happ
en all the time,
and in california he just fit in.
well keep you posted as
this plot thickens.
we probably wont, really.. its just a convenian
t way of ending
a story
thats going nowhere.
BLATANT RIP OFF OF CIAS INFOFILE:
mindcrimes cd pick of the month -
enigma 3: le roi est mort, vive le roi!
WE OWN YOU, CIA. YOU GUYS MUST
PHEAR.
oh, hey, guess what? we got new members th
is month!
wheep!
we got charr. hes got
these razor sharp adamantium
claws that he uses to manipulate the electron gun
s in your silly
cathode ray tube to make some rahd ass h
igh-rezolution. phear.
we got oxidizer. h
e uses his incredible telekinetic
powers to move around ascii characters and f
orm incredible
sculptures of low-rezolution
art. phear.
we got trobriand. hes got
music in his SOUL. phear THAT.
we got ironman. hes
so old school, he doesnt even know
what high-rez IS. he uses his amazing shrinking po
wers to shrink
himself down into binary
digits and FORCE the
computer to draw him some rahd as
s ascii.
oh yeah, and we got cereal killer
, cue for aggression, d
estro,
etana, handiboy, io
ri yagami, jughead,
maeve wolf, mega!,
neophyte
pedantik, platinum,
rage, sentience,
the extremist, iconoclast,
intrepid, publius enigma
nme, plastic, weird
, wishbringer,
agnostic, basic, ba
st, beatle, big brother
crowkeeper, cthulu,
flying fish,
jake blues, journey,
remhoraz, sylphid, zamf
ir
worshipper, zinnia rock,
thanatos, the wanderer,
silent
knight, foolish bird,
fritz, the pope,
candide, dr. cpu, e
to, helter, mavrik
, maxwell, melkor
questor, xavier, and
wodan.
in promotions this month, diarmuid
was promoted from mascot to
key grip.
here, hold my keys.
this month, belial found out
how to use uuencode/decode!
needless to say, he spen
t the entire month
searching usenet for pron.
metallic blood s
lipped on some moss and broke
his head in half. luckily, it was only made of ce
ramic, so all we need
is a little crazy glue and hell be good a
s new.
but currently,
all blade nation
funds are deticated to
world dom
ination, so were
not going to buy the
glue until
that
happens.
one of blades most overlooked d
ivisions has started to bloom
into an incredibly talented group of artists. i i
mplore you
to check out the
music in this months
epic. dead soul
, whos been in the group
for quite some time now, has a most excell
ent s3m in
this .zip... check
it out, i gauruntee
itll blow your mind.
this month we started our war. fire fled, cia ba
lked. dark laughed at
us. next month we wont be so
nice.
xedgex got
a hair transplant. he now has
a red afro, like ronald mcdonald.
i walked up to this guy mopping the floor, ri
ght.. and i was
like ill kick your ass
you stupid janitor!
and he was like im not a janitor, i
m
a custodial
engineer.
booo waaa, he got me all in c
heck. i ran away.
word to the wise: if there is e
ver
a volcano in the near
future, the blade
nation caused it. so phear.
a plumber, a bank robber, and a surgeon
walk into a bar.
the bank robber puts his finger in his pocket a
nd points
it at the bar
tender and says
gimme all your beer.
the bartender says your a bank rob
ber in this joke,
cut it out!
oh.
and then the plumbe
r says
gimme sex on the beach.
and the surgeon replies
ill take bitches
and hoes for 500 alex.
heres this months Screaming Wontons air h
ockey standings.
major upset this month, as dimes had
a major off day and we
beat all over him...
1. bel
ial
2. mindcrime
3. dimes
4. edicius
5. grey
hawk
6. lucifer
and now, blades resident littl
e funky negro busts some
rhymes hip-hop style. phear his lyrical prowess.
lfns , , .dS
. lfns lyricism...
...dis ones for lukesky!?@
--+ lyrical instinct, the infamous, wieldi
n mics is my purpose,
my intent -- to represent on dis rhymin ins
trument
call me acid, I break opponents like bonds,
i bring it on, Rev0lution! my s
oldiers throw ROMs because bombs cant
acheive my friends ends.
...and in tha end Blade! stood supreme, otha
groups get crushed,
BLOWN to smithereens in the smoke. +--
okay, well, thats all folks! hope you enjoyed ano
ther
wild and zany i
ssue of the edge.
STATION!
bla
de art productions 96
neophyte
the members, december 1996
leader of the revolution:
AI-L- mindcrime .............
........................... mike@exit109
.com
senior staff:
-I-L- belial .senior adviso
r.......................... m
arc@netlabs.net
---L- edicius .....................
.................... edi@cybercomm.net
AI--- grey hawk ...................
.................... grey@infi-pos.com
coordinators:
CODE- dark knight .codin
g.............................
darky@execpc.com
A---M grymmjack .music
grymmy@alliance.net
-I--- meltdown .ascii
k2112@cris.com
A---- metallic blood .gl
obal.....................................
---L- q .literature
hu.86@osu.edu
A---- white raven .ansi
--V-- xEDGEx .high resol
ution.................... aho
pesc@superlink.com
members:
---L- agnostic ...........
-I--- alienated testicle ..........
.................. giwish@mindport.
net
--V-- aninimal ....................
.................... aninimal@cris.com
---L- basic ..............
COORD bast ...............
..................... audreyyap@mindlin
k.bc.ca COORD beatle
beatle@cds.dudd.uniserve.com
---L- big brother ........
CODE- candide ............
A---- cereal killer ......
--V-- charr .....................
...................... charr@matche
s.com
----- counterpoint ................
A-V-- creator .....................
................. pursuit@xmission.com
COORD crowkeeper .........
............................. crowkeep@i
mag.net PRES- cthulu
cthulu@infomatch.com A----
cue for aggression ..........
----- darkman .....................
----M dead soul ...................
A---- destro .............
FTP-- dimes .......................
................ sdiamond@skidmore.edu
COORD dr. cpu ............
............................... drcpu@vc
n.bc.ca ---L- dyz .....
----- errant angel ................
A-V-- etana ..............
COORD eto ................
........................ e1140166@vm.bci
t.bc.ca
-I--- exar kun ....................
................ koondog@ix.netcom.
com
----- facsimile ...................
INFO- flare .......................
................. sggamals@oakland.edu
----- flux ........................
COORD flying fish ........
.............. flyingfish@cds.dudd.unise
rve.com
----M foolish bird .......
----M fritz ..............
A---M handiboy ...........
-I--- hard liqour .................
CODE- helter .............
COORD iconoclast .........
.............. iconoclast@cds.dudd.unise
rve.com
----- ilsundal ....................
..................... root@alfheim.net
-I--- intrepid ...........
A---- iori yagami ........
-I--- ironman ..................
--VLM jake blues .........
---LM journey ............
COORD jughead ............
--V-- kyo .........................
A---- kiwi ........................
........ kiwi.justice@sylvania.sev.org
---L- little funky negro ..........
................ cbowers@superlink.net
--V-- liquid blue .................
.................... disco@javanet.com
---L- lonestar ....................
............... ttoth@earth.execpc.com
AI--- lucifer .....................
................. lucifer@injersey.com
---L- luke skywalker ..............
A---- maeve wolf................
AI--- mass murderer ...............
..................... murd@digifro.com
COORD mavrik ......
CODE- maxwell ............
A---- mega! ..............
CODE- melkor ...................
--V-- nemesis .....................
.............. mike15@usa.pipeline.com
COORD neophyte ...........
......................... neophyte@bbs.d
soe.com -I--- nme
-I--- oxidizer .................
----M paladin .....................
-I--- pariah ......................
COORD pedantik ...........
A---- pennywise ...................
COORD plastic ............
............................. trin@bbs.d
soe.com A---- platinum
-I--- publius enigma .....
CODE- questor ............
--V-- raveged wanderer ............
...................... rw@shocking.com
A---- rage ...............
A---- rebal .......................
.................... slntrage@cris.com
---L- remhoraz ...........
-I--- risu ........................
................... puke@ix.netcom.com
A-V-M sentience ..........
INFO- shellman ....................
--V-- silent knight ......
----- soul seeker .................
................ soulman@cybercomm.net
A---- spear .......................
A---- splatt ......................
A---- subconsciousness ............
................. syphid@infomatch.com
COORD sylphid ............
COORD thanatos ...........
......................... thxmist@ix.net
com.com COORD the extremi
st ...........................
xtremist@qb.autoroute.net -I-
-- the illusionist ....................
-I--- the masked marauder ...
-I--- the natural .................
............. tnatural@outerlimits.net
----M the pope ...........
--V-- the wanderer .......
-I--- torgo .......................
.................. torgo@geocities.com
WAREZ toth ..................
----- tourian .....................
............. tourian@angel.heaven.god
----M trobriand ...........
---L- tron powerhouse .............
..................... tronepic@tir.com
-I--- tzeentch ....................
---L- underling ...................
---L- virago ......................
...................... virago@juno.com
-I--- weird ..............
-I--- wishbringer ........
INFO- wodan ..............
CODE- xavier .............
---L- zamfir worshipper ..
-I--- zempf .......................
---L- zinnia rock ........
* - several people have been deleted from this l
ist due to inactivity.
this does not necassarily constitut
e removal from the group.
th
e affiliates, december 1996
alderaan 908 mindcrime
- galactic temple
apocalypse 201 napalm
- eastern shrine
harvest moon 216 quran
- central shrine
divine madness
creator - wester
n shrine
free coke 613 the night an
gel - canadian shrine
neo tokyo +32 tasmaniac
- european shrine
arcane +61 intense -
australian shrine
prevail +46
rex - swedish shrine
mental overdose +32 zarkof
- belgian shrine
altconn +55 starfox
- brazilian shrine
ravebase +41 maverick
- swiss shrine
optical illusion +47 pyx
- norwegian shrine
ironyx +31 radi
cal - dutch shrine
twist of fate 810 flare
- distribution outpost
the rebel base 718 luke sk
ywalker - distribution outpost
email - mike@exit109.com
blade www home page - http://www.exit109.com
/mike/blade
ftp - 141.222.120.89 /blade
end of file!