st?
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the edge is published monthly as an info
e productions
+@-----------------------------------
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the edge - the blade informational textfile -
volume 3 / issue 9
the jolt is life.
contents -
1.
the edge volume 3, issue 9
2. the mem
bers november, 1996
3. the affiliat
es november, 1996
and now, the random spewings of belial a
nd mindcrime...
not necassarily in that order, though..
here we are again-- up to our arse in
wood shavings. just think, thoug
h, if
we w
erent, do you think wed
be having this conversation? no, t
hank
you
NEWSFLASH
this is splatt
reporting here from
jeru
salem, oregon. things are getting
hairy! DUCK!
st folks, t
here are gun shots
SKANK-FEST 96
all over
the place! im
packin up my nachos
and
leavin! this is a beat scene, man!
back to the studio.
there you have it, folks, actual footage from 1996
s second most
imfamous fest, SKANK-FEST! sec
ond only, that is, to
eating-chicken-on-a-lonely-saturday-night-
with-all-the-lesbians-
in-the-neighborhood-and-some-ugly-little-cat-
with-green-fur-and-a-big-
hairlip-and-wide-bulging-hips-and-lice-in-
the-larder-
o-thon-fest 96.
err. i mean
bladefest 96!
as we stated before, blade fans, this is
ANOTHER epic.
indeed. even the pope had a comment about kiwi
s tooshie:
im-a da pope-a!
right from the mouth of
good ole john himself. huzzah!
ive got a waffle-iron, baby, and im not afraid t
o
use it!
the terror!
blade: the political part
y. and just think, kids,
we have our own
propaganda! all this for...
the -
... your immortal soul in the
official depth
s of hell.
symbol of
the blade on th
is good election
party. year, b
lade took its next step
in
the
conquest of the
WORLD!
after one hell of a nati
onal convention, at
which the members of blade got quite rowdy and
beat
the hell out of
ki bw nanc
y reagan,
we finally got around to nominating a
candidate.
running for the blade world dominati
on party was kiwi,
who accepted his nomination by guzzling a beer and
screaming
ANGST!
...after passing out on stage and being
pillaged
by the rest of the blade members,
we managed to wake him up for the announcment of a
running mate.
uhm.. what? who?
nudge nudge, a RUNNING MATE. A VICE PRES
IDENT
heh.. oh. uhm.. grymmjack is cool.
so off they went on one hell of a campaign, promisi
ng crack and
jolt cola to all the modem
warriors around the country. in a last ditch attem
pt
at killing the reputation of his fellow candidates,
kiwi
paid for television advertisements
showing ansi depictions of bill clinton and bob
dole killing a dog. preliminary polls showed
both candidates
popularity skyrocket after the add,
proving once again the derangment of the american p
eople.
as election day came, kiwi and
grymmjack decided to try to fix the electi
on and
preserve the blade bid for world dominat
ion. unfortunatly,
their plan was foiled, as the american public was n
ot at
all frightened by kiwi,
who decided that a viking outfit would be
the perfect way to scare people into voting for him
ki+bw
presidential candidate
kiwi attempts to
scare the vote in
his direction.
in theaters eve
rywhere this month, millions
of people arou
nd
the world got to see
our very own
romeo liquor appear
in the modern
modem warrior
rendition of shakespears
classic
romeo + juliet.
what angst through yonder ir
c screen
session breaks?
it is the lagged server
st?
and juliet is
the isdn!
romeo liquor
struggling to
remember his
lines.
so there we were, minding our own business
in the comfort of
mindcrimes k-elite pad, when we hear a bunch of h
oodlums
causing a ruckus outside.
hey, thats my car! yelled belial, as
one
of the deranged youth
tossed
an egg at the white car parked out on the street.
belial,
with his superhuman speed, changed into his tights
and cape and
bolted out the door
to nab the evil doers
before more harm could be done.
as he lifted the culprit above
his head, ready to pile drive him in genuine
junk yard dog
fashion,
an egg came flying out of the darkness,
pummeling belial in the arm and sending
him
flying backward onto the grass.
the crazed teens managed to espace that night,
succesful in their attempts to cover belial
s auto-
mobile in goey egg substance. but fear not, fellow
citizens, for
the almighty belial
will not stop
until
all evil
is squelched!
belial, struck hard by the egg,
HEY!?
attempts to foil the plans / who threw
that? of the evil doers by asking
for names.
-egg
-- egg stuf
- ooh.. action lines!
st?
@*@*@*@*@*@*
*@+, someone
yelled in japanese.
hey, baby, come over here for some lovin
, splatt said,
making eye motions towards
some chick.
yo, man, get yo hands off-a her.
shes my bitch tonight. kyo yelled, poi
nting his
AK at splatt.
just then, the illusionist jumped in fro
nt
of kyos
gun. this most stop! he
said in
what he hoped was his best superhero
voice.
man, his shit just pissed all cuase he thinks hi
ass
be the newest
member in blade, splatt said,
scowling at
kyo.
youre a punk! kyo said, firing at
splatt.
the illusionist went to work,
and
caught the bullet between his teeth before it
had the chance
to rip through
splatt.
man... yo saved my life, mofucka!
splatt said with
a tear in his eye.
kyo scowled. how da fuck you catch that s
hit in yo mouth?
i am member of blade,
the illusionist said.
i guess were all new, kyo said.
awwwwwwwww yeah, home skillet! added dj ben
der, who then
passed out due to a massive crack overdo
se.
dat be the funk, my brotha! added tzeentch
, who
then passed out due to exaustion while trying to pr
onounce his handle.
true dat, jeriko-one! added the masked maru
auder, who
then went to a frat party.
werd! added little funky negro, who the
n busted into rhyme and
started breakdancing.
that is right, good fellows, echos the voice of
spear,
who slides out of the darkness with a pimp-like st
rut.
wez da newest blade pimps, bEOTCH!
added splatt, who now had
a new sence of identity.
and then, out of nowhere, the ghost of blade
-members
past appeared in the form of chromatik!
GREAT CHROMATIKS GHOST! yelled the ne
w
blade members in unison.
you, the new blade members, have been en
trusted with the
great chalice of pimpness.
do not abuse your new pimp status. be one with
the blade.
and so, the new blade members bowed down
before the
great ghost of members past and
accepted the golden chalice of pimpness. this is a
great day for the
artists of the scene, a day to be remembered for a
ll
eternity.
muahahahahha, boomed the demo
nic laughter
of cheeze, the ghost of blade
members future.
the end.
in our ever present quest for world domination, we
ve had to
kill off a bunch of traitors.
hack is now dead ..
.. so is brain eater.
they were destroyed for their
crimes against the peoples front of blade
i thought we were the blade peoples fr
ont.
no, you imbasile, were the peoples front of
blade.
oh.
and now, meltdown, who thinks hes funny, would li
ke to enlighten
you on the top ten reason to join blade.
editors note: we think this sucks.
- TOP TEN REASONS TO JOIN BLADE PRODUCTIONS -
10. Meep! Meep!
9. Why do you think Jenny McCarthy quit MTV?
8. Electronic beeps - R2D2
7. Crime, Mind. MindCrime
6. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
5. Blade Fest 97 MANG
4. Sub Delta morons from Space Quest 3 said so.
3. Kiwi doesnt just have explosives for nothin.
2. We have hacked accounts on www.penthouse.com.
1. BLADE EXTRODINARE if you know what i mean.
okay! that was fun! whats next?
oh oh oh!
grymmjack, our
lovable, huggable, smoochable,
squee
zable, ansi-drawing,
music-tracking, joke-cracking, multi-purposed
jack-of-all-trades has been promoted t
o music
coordinator.
.. and the kingdom re
joiced. yay!
THANKSGIVING SUCKS!!!!
and now, a word from our sponsor...
blade
exclusive! white raven returns to
blade!
i bet you all remember that awesome blade ar
tist, kuma
right? well, after he
moved to columbia, he found
that goat he
arding and mountain climbing was really
pointless, thus he ate his trusty goat, burn
ed his
wr
climbing gear, and went forward in the world.
after
attempting to find his
way back, he joined a colony
of
buddah, and strived for true spiritualness. but,
when the mean old
buddah took away his trusty marlboro
lights, kuma got pissed and killed them all. s
o, to hide
his identity, he changed his handle to white rav
en. thus, he returned
to the art scene, and joined fire and teklordz.
searching for blade still,
he joined fuel and eclipse, and dropped fire. but
now, this VERY day, he
found his way to blade, and was welcomed with open
arms!
risu - hehe...YAY!! really!? you back
? you just left last month..
tough w/out us eh? i ph34r you.
kiwi - I LOVE YOU!! youll always be Kum
a to me though, i dont
care what you say.. anything with raven in it so
unds too.. PDish...
i mean, youre kuma- k2. the guy whose ansi was
always listed just
before me... *sniffle* - aww, gimmie head for so
me old times sake!
*// kiwiblde has been kickbanned from blade by
whtraven.//*
white raven wr
ote that. egotistical bastard.
and now, q has a few words to say abou
t the lit department:
jiZoW
well, stuff be brewin in the blades lit department.
we got more recruits
than i can mention, each wielding phatter lit skeelz
than i had hoped for.
a lot of shits been goin down with my own life inclu
ding computer ailments
that have prevented me from doin a lot of blade stuf
f bLAspHemY!!. but,
things are now together, and these next few releases
are going to blow your
dirty-need-to-be-changed underwear off.
overheard: dyz, yeh, ill be promoted to pc tech soo
n...7.20 and hour!
cypherhex, i just got a job at the zoo circumcisi
ng elephants...
the pay sucks, but the tips are HUGE!
thanks q, love ya babe!
and then she said get off me, you fat bastard.
on a most solumn and serious note,
fellow blade member, artist, a
nd beloved
friend tourian die
d this month of heart
failure. he was 21.
tourian was new to th
e blade family,
but we had known him from the good times
on blade for a long time. he was a great
fr
iend who always knew how to make you
laugh. he was one of tho
se guys you could
tell anything to, and you knew hed
understa
nd. he will be sorely missed by
all of us,
and he will forever have a
place among us.
st?
go with god, tourian.
your memory lives on.
gj!
the members, november 1996
alienated testicle
giwish@mindport.net
ascii
artist
aninimal
aninimal@cris.com
high resolution
belial
marc@netlabs.net
senior staff
counterpoint
alumnus
creator
pursuit@xmission.com
ansi arti
st
dark knight
darky@execpc.com
coding coordina
tor darkman
alumnus
dead soul
deadsoul@liii.com
music coordinator
dimes
sdiamond@skidmore.edu
ftp supervisor
dj bender
musician
dyz
literature
edicius
edi@cybercomm.net
senior staff
errant angel
alumnus
exar kun
koondog@ix.netcom.com
ascii artist
facsimile
alumnus
flare
sggamals@oakland.edu
info. services
flux
alumnus
grey hawk
grey@infi-pos.com
senior staff
grymmjack
grymmy@alliance.net
ansi/music
hard liqour
ascii artist
ilsundal
root@alfheim.net
useless information
kyo
high resolution
kiwi
kiwi.justice@sylvania.sev.org
ansi/good head
little funky negro
literature
liquid blue
disco@javanet.com
high resolution
lonestar
ttoth@earth.execpc.com
literat
ure
lucifer
lucifer@injersey.com
ansi/ascii a
rtist luke skywal
ker
literature
mass murderer
murd@digifro.com
ansi/ascii a
rtist meltdown
k2112@cris.com
ascii coordinator
metalchic
metalchic@alfheim.net
tape halo maker
metallic blood
global coordinator mindcri
me mike@exit109.co
m pres
ident/founder nemesis
mike15@usa.pipel
ine.com
high resolution
paladin
musician
pariah
ascii artist
pennywise
pennywise@malum.ab.ca
ansi artist
q
hu.86@osu.edu
lit coordinator
raveged wanderer
rw@shocking.com
high resolution
rebal
slntrage@cris.com
ansi artist
risu
puke@ix.netcom.com
ascii artist
shellman
info. services
soul seeker
soulman@cybercomm.net
ansi art/alu
mnus
spear
ansi/ascii artist
splatt
ansi artist
subconsciousness
ansi coordinator
the illusionist
ascii artist
the masked marauder
ascii artist
the natural
tnatural@outerlimits.net
ascii artist
torgo
torgo@geocities.com
high resolution
toth
supplier
tourian
tourian@angel.heaven.god
alumnus
tron powerhouse
tronepic@tir.com
literature
tzeentch
ascii artist
underling
literature
virago
virago@juno.com
literature
xEDGEx
ahopesc@s
uperlink.com
vga coordinator
* - several people have been deleted from this l
ist due to inactivity.
this does not necassarily constitue
removal from the group.
th
e affiliates, november 1996
alderaan 908 mindcrime
- galactic temple
apocalypse 201 napalm
- eastern shrine
harvest moon 216 quran
- central shrine
cool dudes inc. 613 misc.
dudes - canadian shrine
neo tokyo +32 tasmaniac
- european shrine
arcane +61 intense -
australian shrine
prevail +46
rex - swedish shrine
mental overdose +32 zarkof
- belgian shrine
altconn +55 starfox
- brazilian shrine
ravebase +41 maverick
- swiss shrine
optical illusion +47 pyx
- norwegian shrine
ironyx +31 radi
cal - dutch shrine
twist of fate 810 flare
- distribution outpost
the rebel base 718 luke sk
ywalker - distribution outpost
email - mike@exit109.com
blade www home page - http://www.exit109.com
/mike/blade
ftp - 141.222.120.89 /blade
end of file!