--- y0lk! -----------------------------------------------------------------
y0lk 10: t-shirts and toe jam by bEdlAM
--- w0w! ------------------------------------------------------------------
hey there, this is bEdlAM, im like, known for my many many RIP drawings and
stuff, and im in ACiD and mOp. I run a board called Lans Laughter,
708-749-9621, art, bbs stuff, mags, and text blatant plug. ah, now then,
down to well, whatever.
--- huH? ------------------------------------------------------------------
yep. thats right. you know, whoever named Woody Woodpecker really had some
problems.
--- thats sick -----------------------------------------------------------
why thank you. i thought id start writing for y0lk, well, because i have
lots of meaningless stuff to say, um, wait, no, thats not it, um, yah. with
that, i bring you to my first article.
--- how to build an altar to Number 28 ------------------------------------
for all of those who dont know, Number 28 is god. this is why were going
to build an altar to him.
Step 1: realize that Number 28 is god.
Step 2: find a nice cozy spot in your house for an altar preferably your
bedroom.
Step 3: grab some wood or bricks or something and build yerself up an altar
of some type.
Step 4: print out some of his ansis, so that you have his creative spirit up
on your altar.
Step 5: find some animal porn preferably panda or koala and put it on your
altar to represent his interests.
Step 6: put up various candles and such.
now you have a fully functioning altar to 28. Ive written this for the
sake of society, because almost every day im bombarded with questions about
the almighty Number 28, and nobody seems to be aware of the correct process
in which to build an altar. yah.
--- thank you so very much ------------------------------------------------
youre welcome. you know, am i the only one who noticed the meat inside
burritos looks like diarreah?
--- i noticed that too ----------------------------------------------------
oh good. i thought, um, yah. ok, now is the time when i teach you one of my
many anarchy techniques. today, ill instruct you on how to steal t-shirts
from music stores mind you, this actually works, but is for informational
purposes only, please do not go steal t-shirts from music stores.
--- awww man --------------------------------------------------------------
ok, what the heck, go for it. awrite... this is what you do.
materials required: a t-shirt that is the same color as the one you want to
steal a partner in krime wasnt turtle power recently mentioned in
another issue? thought so... btw, turtle rap was a much better theme
song
first, you have your friend go in ahead of you, so as not to look like youre
going together. then you take your tshirt, and fold it up so you cant
really tell whats on it. walk in, and straight over to the shirts. give
your shirt to your friend and have him hide it up his shirt or in a bag or
something and leave. now what you do is find two shirts that you want, and
that could be mistaken for one another same band, different sizes, or
whatever, but make sure that you want both of them... dont get one thats
too big or something. now what you do is when nobodys looking, rip the tag
off of one of the shirts and put it in your pocket, and fold up the shirt.
now take the folded one and the other one over to the counter. put them both
on the counter and say hi, i bought this shirt point to the folded one,
but i meant to get this one and didnt realize what i did until i got home.
i threw away the receipt but i still have the tag pull the tag out of your
pocket, can i exchange it? oh yeah its good if theyre both the same
price. if they let you exchange it, youve gotta fill out some little
return form, just crap your way through it, and then youve got a shirt the
one that you didnt fold up. if they dont let you return it, look
dissapointed and grab the folded up shirt and leave. then youve got that
shirt. either way, youve got yourself a shirt. a couple things to keep in
mind: the friend and your own shirt is optional, thats only in case the
clerk sees you and says hey you didnt walk in with a shirt the other
thing is that this only works if the shirt doesnt have one of those heavy
things clamped to it... thatll screw everything up lastly, its cool if the
one youre trying to return is a little more expensive than the other one,
that way you can get a couple bucks out of the deal for the exchange too.
--- wow, ill go do that --------------------------------------------------
good. now on to my top six really sick things to do:
6 scrub yourself when you havent taken a shower for days... now not to say
that youre horribly dirty, i mean nobody can really TELL you havent
taken a shower for the longest time, but just like rub your arm...
watch how like dirt builds up on your hands... its great fun
5 after youre done doing that, if you have somewhat long nails havent cut
them since your last shower a few weeks ago scratch your head alot and
then look at all the white stuff under your nails... dandruff and such
4 when you wake up the next morning, and you havent brushed your teeth
since that last fateful shower, scratch them and look at all the plaque
build up under your nails
Note: of course EVENTUALLY you ought to take a shower, but if you dont, you
can continue this process almost every day
3 rubbing your finger in between your toes before you go to bed and then
smelling them is always fun.. toe jam has a surprisingly pleasant
fragrance... but dont rub you butthole with your finger and smell it,
because the rumors are true about that one, it stinks
2 on the subject of scratch and sniff.. scratch your pubic hair and smell
the post-masturbatory stench... good stuff
1 and last but certainly the most fun, getting up real close to your
bathroom mirror, and squeezing your pimples and seeing how many you can
actually make expode onto the mirror, and how much puss you can get out of
them before they begin to bleed.. that one has me going for hours,
especially after i eat about 50 lbs of greasy chips in preparation
--- youre one disgusting guy ---------------------------------------------
yeah, well, thats life. you know, i saw a guy with an afro today didnt
that style go out a few years ago? anyway, i saw this guy, and he had one of
those hair picks in his hair. was he using some of that fast-drying hair
spray or something and it got stuck? i mean why else would someone willingly
walk around with a comb in their hair of course this guy DOES have an afro,
so he obviously doesnt care wow... i just thought id mention it.
--- are you done yet? -----------------------------------------------------
i guess so. thats about all i can think to do. i did this whole thing over
the period of a day, woke up early and decided to write, after i got home
from shooting pool later i wrote some, then im writing this little bit and
then im probably gonna go watch tv or something then hit the hay. you see,
i just had to use a whole day to get my creative juices flowing, hopefully
following articles will come out a bit easier. is it just me or am i
babbling for an awfully long time after i said id be done?
--- no its just you ------------------------------------------------------
oh ok, well, umm... yeah. anyway, what was i saying? hmm... i guess i
wasnt really saying anything... wow... i do that pretty often ive noticed.
wow... now that ive written an article, i guess my board is a y0lk hq or
something. yeah thats cool. anyways, ill end this by saying hi to my mOp
pals, bob the janitor, tweed, the almighty Number 28, and well, all you other
mOpsters, um, ok.
--- thank god hes done ---------------------------------------------------
id also like to thank creed for having a twisted enough sense of humor to
actually put this thing out. if you have anything to say about it, call my
board see first few lines, and tell me, cuz well, ill probably see it
there. um, hehe, well, you know what? didnt think so... nobody ever knows
what... it really pisses me off cuz id like somebody to explain the whole
concept to me. well, ok, bye bye.
--- editors comment ------------------------------------------------------
wow... seriously, that dirty stuff is like a perfect description of me... i
havent combed or washed my hair in like 8 months. woo, 3 y0lk members now.
index of y0lk issues:
issue . title
01 the other white meat
02 several k-rad elite haxors sitting around a campfire and grooving
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin
05 household uses for afghanistanian food
06 pour cement down my anus
07 hail santa!
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?
09 lunchables rock.
. 10 , t-shirts and toejam ,
issues 1-5, 7, and 9 by creed
issues 6 and 8 by hooch
issue 10 by bEdlAM
note: if you have written an issue, you are a y0lk member, have a y0lk member
board, etc. woo.
y0lk 10: t-shirts and toe jam by bEdlAM
--- w0w! ------------------------------------------------------------------
hey there, this is bEdlAM, im like, known for my many many RIP drawings and
stuff, and im in ACiD and mOp. I run a board called Lans Laughter,
708-749-9621, art, bbs stuff, mags, and text blatant plug. ah, now then,
down to well, whatever.
--- huH? ------------------------------------------------------------------
yep. thats right. you know, whoever named Woody Woodpecker really had some
problems.
--- thats sick -----------------------------------------------------------
why thank you. i thought id start writing for y0lk, well, because i have
lots of meaningless stuff to say, um, wait, no, thats not it, um, yah. with
that, i bring you to my first article.
--- how to build an altar to Number 28 ------------------------------------
for all of those who dont know, Number 28 is god. this is why were going
to build an altar to him.
Step 1: realize that Number 28 is god.
Step 2: find a nice cozy spot in your house for an altar preferably your
bedroom.
Step 3: grab some wood or bricks or something and build yerself up an altar
of some type.
Step 4: print out some of his ansis, so that you have his creative spirit up
on your altar.
Step 5: find some animal porn preferably panda or koala and put it on your
altar to represent his interests.
Step 6: put up various candles and such.
now you have a fully functioning altar to 28. Ive written this for the
sake of society, because almost every day im bombarded with questions about
the almighty Number 28, and nobody seems to be aware of the correct process
in which to build an altar. yah.
--- thank you so very much ------------------------------------------------
youre welcome. you know, am i the only one who noticed the meat inside
burritos looks like diarreah?
--- i noticed that too ----------------------------------------------------
oh good. i thought, um, yah. ok, now is the time when i teach you one of my
many anarchy techniques. today, ill instruct you on how to steal t-shirts
from music stores mind you, this actually works, but is for informational
purposes only, please do not go steal t-shirts from music stores.
--- awww man --------------------------------------------------------------
ok, what the heck, go for it. awrite... this is what you do.
materials required: a t-shirt that is the same color as the one you want to
steal a partner in krime wasnt turtle power recently mentioned in
another issue? thought so... btw, turtle rap was a much better theme
song
first, you have your friend go in ahead of you, so as not to look like youre
going together. then you take your tshirt, and fold it up so you cant
really tell whats on it. walk in, and straight over to the shirts. give
your shirt to your friend and have him hide it up his shirt or in a bag or
something and leave. now what you do is find two shirts that you want, and
that could be mistaken for one another same band, different sizes, or
whatever, but make sure that you want both of them... dont get one thats
too big or something. now what you do is when nobodys looking, rip the tag
off of one of the shirts and put it in your pocket, and fold up the shirt.
now take the folded one and the other one over to the counter. put them both
on the counter and say hi, i bought this shirt point to the folded one,
but i meant to get this one and didnt realize what i did until i got home.
i threw away the receipt but i still have the tag pull the tag out of your
pocket, can i exchange it? oh yeah its good if theyre both the same
price. if they let you exchange it, youve gotta fill out some little
return form, just crap your way through it, and then youve got a shirt the
one that you didnt fold up. if they dont let you return it, look
dissapointed and grab the folded up shirt and leave. then youve got that
shirt. either way, youve got yourself a shirt. a couple things to keep in
mind: the friend and your own shirt is optional, thats only in case the
clerk sees you and says hey you didnt walk in with a shirt the other
thing is that this only works if the shirt doesnt have one of those heavy
things clamped to it... thatll screw everything up lastly, its cool if the
one youre trying to return is a little more expensive than the other one,
that way you can get a couple bucks out of the deal for the exchange too.
--- wow, ill go do that --------------------------------------------------
good. now on to my top six really sick things to do:
6 scrub yourself when you havent taken a shower for days... now not to say
that youre horribly dirty, i mean nobody can really TELL you havent
taken a shower for the longest time, but just like rub your arm...
watch how like dirt builds up on your hands... its great fun
5 after youre done doing that, if you have somewhat long nails havent cut
them since your last shower a few weeks ago scratch your head alot and
then look at all the white stuff under your nails... dandruff and such
4 when you wake up the next morning, and you havent brushed your teeth
since that last fateful shower, scratch them and look at all the plaque
build up under your nails
Note: of course EVENTUALLY you ought to take a shower, but if you dont, you
can continue this process almost every day
3 rubbing your finger in between your toes before you go to bed and then
smelling them is always fun.. toe jam has a surprisingly pleasant
fragrance... but dont rub you butthole with your finger and smell it,
because the rumors are true about that one, it stinks
2 on the subject of scratch and sniff.. scratch your pubic hair and smell
the post-masturbatory stench... good stuff
1 and last but certainly the most fun, getting up real close to your
bathroom mirror, and squeezing your pimples and seeing how many you can
actually make expode onto the mirror, and how much puss you can get out of
them before they begin to bleed.. that one has me going for hours,
especially after i eat about 50 lbs of greasy chips in preparation
--- youre one disgusting guy ---------------------------------------------
yeah, well, thats life. you know, i saw a guy with an afro today didnt
that style go out a few years ago? anyway, i saw this guy, and he had one of
those hair picks in his hair. was he using some of that fast-drying hair
spray or something and it got stuck? i mean why else would someone willingly
walk around with a comb in their hair of course this guy DOES have an afro,
so he obviously doesnt care wow... i just thought id mention it.
--- are you done yet? -----------------------------------------------------
i guess so. thats about all i can think to do. i did this whole thing over
the period of a day, woke up early and decided to write, after i got home
from shooting pool later i wrote some, then im writing this little bit and
then im probably gonna go watch tv or something then hit the hay. you see,
i just had to use a whole day to get my creative juices flowing, hopefully
following articles will come out a bit easier. is it just me or am i
babbling for an awfully long time after i said id be done?
--- no its just you ------------------------------------------------------
oh ok, well, umm... yeah. anyway, what was i saying? hmm... i guess i
wasnt really saying anything... wow... i do that pretty often ive noticed.
wow... now that ive written an article, i guess my board is a y0lk hq or
something. yeah thats cool. anyways, ill end this by saying hi to my mOp
pals, bob the janitor, tweed, the almighty Number 28, and well, all you other
mOpsters, um, ok.
--- thank god hes done ---------------------------------------------------
id also like to thank creed for having a twisted enough sense of humor to
actually put this thing out. if you have anything to say about it, call my
board see first few lines, and tell me, cuz well, ill probably see it
there. um, hehe, well, you know what? didnt think so... nobody ever knows
what... it really pisses me off cuz id like somebody to explain the whole
concept to me. well, ok, bye bye.
--- editors comment ------------------------------------------------------
wow... seriously, that dirty stuff is like a perfect description of me... i
havent combed or washed my hair in like 8 months. woo, 3 y0lk members now.
index of y0lk issues:
issue . title
01 the other white meat
02 several k-rad elite haxors sitting around a campfire and grooving
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin
05 household uses for afghanistanian food
06 pour cement down my anus
07 hail santa!
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?
09 lunchables rock.
. 10 , t-shirts and toejam ,
issues 1-5, 7, and 9 by creed
issues 6 and 8 by hooch
issue 10 by bEdlAM
note: if you have written an issue, you are a y0lk member, have a y0lk member
board, etc. woo.
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