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Function rated Quip voted best Legion is a on top of scene ansi artist bunch of charts AGAIN! ever wankers - Anon VOLUME 3 ISSUE 1 THE ART SCENE S FINEST NEWS SOURCE 1 JULY 1998 NEWS IN BRIEF FUNCTION WEB PAGE MOVED DUE TO NEONCRAYON WEB SITE CRASH SURREY--This month Function s web page was moved from the group s previous web space provider Neoncrayon Multimedia Neoncrayon suffered a fatal server crash in which the web page seemed to have been destroyed Lucky for the group Quip had a backup of the page and was able to restore the lost data Silent Knight friend of Quip and general nuisance (inside joke) offered web space to Quip and he gladly accepted A free domain name was then registered as http function cjb net Please point your browser towards that URL to see our wonderful(ly small) page MILK LEADER ARRESTED AND CHARGED FOR ATTEMPTING BEASTIALITY MOVEMENT VANCOUVER--Shortly after Function #2 was released some rather unsettling news was unleashed about the group s main art scene competition Milk It seems that Creamix the leader of the group felt that Milk was in dire need of some attention the group hadn t released in quite a while and rumors that the group would go under soon were circulating After a brief meeting with all Milk members it was discovered that over 72% of the memberlist consisted of convicted elephant molestors (it was also rumored that Creamix used to have a part-time graveyard shift rotation at the zoo ) After realizing the potential in this fact Creamix brought the news to the attention of the general #ansi public To his dismay he and his group were shunned for inflicting such horrible actions upon innocent animals and the group fell apart shortly after There has been no news regarding where any of the former-Milk members are going next but we here at Function can assure you that no elephant molestors will be welcome in our ranks! TWO NEW MEMBERS JOIN FUNCTION VANCOUVER--Long-time ansi great and former Integrity Mistigris and Acid member Nitnatsnoc joined the Function team this month Apart from his fame gained from appearing in the memberlists of the previously mentioned groups he also used to run a fantastic art board called The Screaming Tomato (also the former Mistigris WHQ ) Although he has shed his tomato skin the pulp that is left assures the public that he can still draw just as well as ever (or better even!) and will continue to do so with the group When asked to comment on his arrival in the group Nitnatsnoc stated Hi I m Nitnatsnoc I have poisoned your water supply _Cthulu you know I think nitnatsnoc is going to join function _Cthulu congratulations _Cthulu I can now officially resent you (he was kidding =) LONDON--Former Lazarus tyrant Hennifer was also going to join Function this month when he died of a mysterious ammonia overdose while drinking a cool clean cup of tap water TORONTO--Kleenex also of Dark Illustrated has joined our ranks for ansi and we are very happy about that Hopefully he will not have to choose between either group but will make both clubs happy with his great logos and pictures On note of hearing this news Warpus had to briefly leave his computer to retrive a tissue PEDANTIK IS A BIG FAT LOSER WITH NO LIFE COQUITLAM--Just kidding folks Pedantik was unable to assure the seniors (and senioritas hence Warpus) that he would be active at all in the next few months so he dropped the group If he does in fact develop further interest in sharpening his ansi skills he should take note that Function will gladly take him back WARPUS HAS BEEN HAVING SOME PROBLEMS LONDON--Shortly after moving from his residence near Waterloo University Warpus began to have some problems Aside from his questionable sexuality his email has not been doing too well either For now one please contact him ( ) at warpus@neoncrayon ml org QUIP INJURED IN MYSTERIOUS ASS KICKING VANCOUVER--Due to the fact that Quip was extremely offensive in this infofile he received a severe ass kicking from folks such as Pedantik Silent Knight and Warpus Rumor has it that Creamix also showed up at the kicking but was in turn beat down in a similar fashion As a result of this beating Quip will not be assembling next month s pack Warpus will When Quip is released from the proctologist in August he will begin the collection of art for that month Ouch! THE SCENE IS PICKING UP! EVERYWHERE--It seems that as of late the art scene has really been picking up activity wise The Extremist (of Glue) started up a review page called Operation Rescue (http operation home ml org) and magazines such as Gutter (run by Filth) Ooze (by Squidgalator 2) and Fistful Of Steel (by Inazone) have developed further interest in the scene Groups such as Legion Avenge and Zenith have popped up (Zenith literally out of nowhere!) Glue is stronger than ever and groups like Ice Mistigris and Dark are still hanging in there Unfortunately Fire is going to bite the big one after its 33rd release which isn t too pleasing but the pack should be very impressive We here at Function would like to wish bad luck to all you other group leaders out there - we want all of your good artists and hope you die in a horrible horrible manner ERR Just kidding =) PLAZZ SUBMITS A GUEST LOGO COLLY GAINESVILLE--Area ansi artist Plazz decided that although he is currently groupless that he would out of the kindness of his heart submit a whole logo colly as a guest appearance for your viewing pleasure Aside from the question of where we will see Plazz release next people are still wondering What the hell IS a Plazz anyways IN CONCLUSION I m not up for writing any particularly philosophical bullshit right now so I ll just end this infofile with a quote (this one s for you Warpus) _tom polish literally to me looks like a bunch of words with the letter z inserted instead of vowels (C) Copyright 1998 Function Inc All rights reserved Questions comments Please contact the seniors staff in the following ways Quip - email jmalcolm@geocities com irc #function #mist (all on EFnet) bbs The Jade Monkey (604) 730-2467 Warpus - email warpus@neoncrayon ml org irc #function #dark #hax0rs519 (all on EFnet) phone 1-800-FINLAND (toll free!) ps if you don t know what this infofile is a parody of go to http www theonion com