d$b _ _ 1 _ _ _ d$$$$P j$$$$$L $$$$$b j$$$$! d$$$8 8$$$b _ y T$$$$b j$$$$$$$L$$$$$$$$b j$$$$$ j$$$$! !$$$$L l$$$$ T$$$$b j$$$$!$$$$$$$$$$$P j$$$$! m%@S$$$$$$L l$$$$$$b $$$$l T$$$$$$$$$! !$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b ^j$$$$T8$$$@mm@$$$$$$T$b$$$$$ d$$$$$$$$!@@S$$$$$$$$ j$$$$PT$$$$j$$$$! ^ ^$$$$$ Tl$$$$ d$$$$$$8 ^^ ^ j$$$$P T$$$$$$! _ l$$$$ $$$$l 8$P Gb y@$ 8$$$Ss * _ yj$$$$$L $$$$l ^ G$$$$8$$$$l $$$b 8 $$$$$$$$$$$$L ^ G$$$8 $$$$$m% $$$$$$b d!_ y$$$$$$$$!$$$$L _ $$$$$b l$$$$T $$$$$$$$$$$$S$$$$$$$$$!_!$$$$$$$$ _________ $$$$$b $$$$l _ $$$$$ j$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ !$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$m$$$$$$$$$$$ ^ 88 ^^ $$$$$ !$$$$L d$$$$$$$$$$$88 ^ $$$$$yyyyyT$$$$L T$$P ^ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Hi My name is sargon and this is my story It was a cold winter day and being a homeless black man I needed shelter So naturally I strolled into a supermarket That s where it got weird As I strolled down the aisle I saw something strange There were about 1 000 little figures dancing around a fire Once I finally made them out I saw some things so horrible so evil so maniacal b ___ d ____________________ jSlP d$$$$$b TlSL T jS$y*$*y$$L T ______ DIE WARPUS DIE jlS$$8$$ $$$L AHAHAAAHAAA HA HA HA gG $$$S@%y$8 $P Gg ____________________ $$$b db _ db d$$$ 4$$$$$$$S@%@S$$$$$$$$$P d$$$ $$$$$SSSSSSS$$$$$ 4$$ - evil elf-pig-teddy bear! !$$$SLLLLLLLSS$$! 4$ 4$$SSSSSSS$$P ^ ^ I knew I had to get away so I ran out of the supermarket in to the cold I ran around the city for a while and eventually ended up in a large warehouse The minute I looked in i saw the room divided in two sections In the left section there were a few thousand mexican women manufacturing cocaine On the right side were a few hundred little boys assembling stereos _ _ y@SSS %SSlllii y% %L !SSSSSSLLLLLllli !L !$$$SSSSS$$$$$$ $SSLLli !L %S$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$y$$$SSLli !L %S$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$8 8$$$SSLl !L %S$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P 4$$SSL !L %S$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ !$$ ji gg !$$SSL $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ !$$L=!$ ii j$$$$SL j$$$$$ $$$$$$$$8$$$$$ !$$L !$$L_!b d$$$$$$SL $$$$$y$$$$8 8$$$$L !$$L_!$$$$$$$S@%%@S$$$$$$$$$$$ !$$$$$$P 4$$L_!$$$$$8 !$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$8 !$$$$! i ee !$$$$8 !$$$$$$$$$8 !$$$L ii j$$$L !$$$8 stereo - !$$$b ** d$$$$$L %S$ !$$$$$S@%%@S$M MM$$$$L %S$ !$$$$$$$MM MM$$$$$8 !$M M$M MM$$$8 !$$M M$$8 I looked at a few of them and suddenly realized they were all branded The brand looked like this %y _ _ y% $$$$$l _ l$$$$$ _ l$$$$$ gG$$$$ _ $$$$$$$$$$L $$$$$$ $$$$$P y%@S$$ $$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$l j$$$$$! $$$$$$$$$ l$$$$$$$$$$$b l$$$$$ !$$$$$L j$$$$$l $$$$$l 4$$$$$b$$$$$$$$S@%y $$$$$$b _ d$$$$$ $$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$ *8$$$$$$$! 8$$$$$$$$$8 l ^ 4$$$P ^ ^ ^ T I sat there pondering KLG hmm KLG What could that be Killer Lesbian Goats Kikes Love Goulash Killing Lamers Gleefully Then as if to answer the question for me guess who showed up none other than KATHY LEE GIFFORD! She was weilding a whip No wonder the little boys were able to stay on task I ran out of the warehouse and went in to a computer shop There was Emmanuel Goldstein editor of 2600 magazine Hi I m Emmanuel Goldstein the world s coolest hacker He was about 5 foot 4 390 pounds I figured a plan I ran behind him and waited Still trailing me the goblins pounced towards me AHA! I was using Goldstein as a human shield Not even thousands of hungry teddy bears could completely consume that hunk of flesh and flab As they were busy devouring Emmanuel I ran to the back of the room I heard somebody enter it was some sort of Arnold Schwartzenneger looking FREAK! He quickly smashed each and every one of the bears and walked out of the room _ %S$$$L G$$$$$$$$$$L G$$$$$$$$$$$$$$L _ G$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$88SL jMb G$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$888SSLl jMM$$b G$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$888SSSLLli jMM$$$$$b G$$$SSSSSSS$$$$$$88SSSLLLllii jMM$$$$$$$$b GSS$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$88SSLLLllliiii jMM$$$$$$$$$$$b G$SllSSS$$$$$$$$$$$8SSLLliiiiiillll ***888$$$$$$b G$$SSliilSSS$$$$$$$SS$8SSLLliiiiiilLS8 jMM@%y d$$$$$$$$b d$$$SSli illSS$$$$$$$$8SSLLliiiiiilLS8$ jMMMM$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$l d$$$SSli ilSS$$$$$$$$$$8SSLLliiiiiilLll$ jMM$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$SSl j d$S$SSli ilSS$$$$$$$$$$$$8SSLLliiiiiiilllL jMMM$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$SSl lSb j$$SlSli ilSS$$$$$$$$$$$$$88SSSLLliiiiiiillL jMMM$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$SSl llS$$$$SlilSi ^^^^^ 8SLlliiliill ^^^ ^^^^ ilSSS8SlilSSli y% %y ^ iii @L ilSS$SlilSSSSlll 8y yj$P _ iiiiil 8y y8 iillSS$SlSS$SLSSSiiS@%y _ y%iiiiiillllllS lb ilSSSSSllSSSLlS$Slllllllllllllis sSiiiiilllllLLLSSSSS jSli iillSSSSSSS$$SLlS$SSSSSSSSLLLLLliiiiiiilllLLLLLSSS8888 j$$Slli illSSSiillSS$$SLlS$$$$$$$88SSLLLLLlllllliiiiLLLSSS888$ j$SSli iilSSll ilS$$$$$SlS$$$$$$$$$$$8SSLLLLLlliiilllLLLSSS888 j$Sli iilllllli ilSS$$$$ SS$8 ^ lS$$8SLLLLLllilllLLLSSS 4$$$Sli iillSSS dllLLSS$S$$ P G illlii$lS$$$$$8SLLLLLlliillLLLL 4$$SliiiillLli d illLLSS$$$$$$$$$ ilSSSSSLLLllLSS$$$$8SLLLLLlliiiLLl 4$$SSSSSiiliiii ilLSS$$$$$88 iilS$SSLLLlllLSS$$$$8SSLLLLLllllLL !$$SSSliilLL$$$b _ ^ ^^ diillSSS$$$SSSLLLSS$$$$$$$$8SLLLLlllli !$SSlliiilSSS$$$$$S@%yyy%@SS$$$SSS$$$$$$$$SSSS$$$$$$$$$$$8SLLLLiii $$$SSlSS$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$SlSlS$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$8SLLLl $$$$SSS$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$SSlSS$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$8SLL j$$ *$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$S$$$SS$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$8S j$$$ 88$$$$$$$$$$8 j$$$ yyy%%%@@@@@%%%%%%ggggggyygg%%%%%%@@@@@@@@@@@@%%yy ^ 8$$$ $$$by$$$$$$SSLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSS$$$$88SSLLLllliiiiiillLLSSSSSSS@%y$$$ $$$$88888SSSSSSLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSS88888SSSLLLLlllllllSSSS888$$$$$$ $ $$$$$$$$888888SSSSSLLLLLLlllllllLLSSS88SSLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSS88$$$$$ $ $88SSSSSSSLLLLLLlllliiiiiiiiiiiiillllLLLLLLLLLLSLSSSSS888$$$$$! $8888SSSSSLLLlllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllLLLLLLSSSSSS8888$$$$$$$$ $$$$$88SSSLLLLLLLlllllllllllilllllllLLLLLSSSSS8888888$$$$$$$$ j$$MMM$$$$$888888SSSLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSS88888888$$$$$$$$$ $$MMMMMM$$$$$$$8888888888888888888888$SSSSSSSS8SSSSS88888888 !$$$MMMM$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$88888888SSSSSSSSSSSS 4$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$888888SSSSSSLLLLLS* ^ 8$$88$$$$$8888888888SSSSLLL ^ Unfortunately Emmanuel Goldstein was dead PS I d like to make a personal apology to all readers of 2600 for having your leader killed (