t o r g o s the cooler -- 3leetest title ever a l #09 There is a cooler in my basement and frankly e it scares me Not that coolers in general scare s me but this particular one does My mom bought this cooler last week and it has all of the new cooler gadgets what gadgets can be on a cooler is past me Yes it s definatley a top of the line model and that is very rare in my house We never have a top of the line anything Nothing is never new either Our house is so old it came with its own dungeon torture rack included But this cooler see is just stupid It s roughly the size of a buick but due to its Extra insulation and flavor keepers it has the volume on the inside of a softball Just a look at it and I start to hyperventialate Hyperventilation is indeed a mystery of nature just like mouthwash and country western music When you hyperventialte you have too much oxygen in your blood so your brain dosent tell your lungs to breathe which can be useful underwater but then you may pass out which can also help you out underwater unless you forget where you are and try to breathe again But this cooler which probably cost about the same as a large high grade strategic military weapon has a button on the side of it that not only opens the thing up but also starts some kind of chain reaction in which you get this huge light and laser show (with theme music that sounds like the theme song from The A Team ) that takes approxamitely 43 minutes and during all of this the lid is STILL opening Then some bears with muzzles and clowns and all sorts of circus related beings and random woodland creatures climb out of the cooler Remember despite its volume which is comparable to a grapefruit somehow manages to fit all of these things inside it Must be in the way you pack things I guess but then again it may be a government conspiracy But I can t talk about the government becuase I ll hyperventialate and we can t have THAT now can we