t h e logo by spear +@) -(@ #@!the edge is published monthly as an in blade productions!@# +@) -(@ the edge - the blade informational textfile - volume 3 issue 10 i don t think i m weird enough to be in blade - exar kun - - - - contents - 1 the edge (volume 3 issue 10) 2 the members (december 1996) 3 the affiliates (december 1996) - - - - - - DON T LICK A POLAR BEAR S LIVER EITHER start cthulu The door swings unexpectedly in a freak gust of wind Funnels of sand spin onto the worn hardwood floor Realizing their misplacement they attempt to whirl like discorporeal dervishes back to the nurturing source of their sterile sands They fall lifeless inches from the door Th erattle of their descent is noted by one of three bored tellers who slowly advances on them weilding a tattered broom He starts as the sands rise again in futility as the door opens but his attention is not gotten so much by the tumbling grains as by the black-clad man advancing through the doorway and towards him He backs away in unjustifiable terror from the man and the two sacks he bears and dropping the broom behind him he vaults over the counter and rolls under his desk It is this last motion which rouses the other two tellers from their reverie Blinking unexpectedly at the man in black they shrink back imperceptibly and cringe as he approaches the counter The man stops at the first cubicle He hands one of the two sacks to the trembling teller and says in a low growley voice Fillit with cash mate At this the teller regains some of his professional composure and protests Without intendin t offend mate but what ll you do ta me if I don t The would-be robber lifts the second sack to head level It is clear that the sack is not empty as the contents adjust uneasily Cane toads mate I ll make you lick em You bastard started the teller in incredulity How d ye think ye kind get me to lick that flamin With one fluid motion the robber withdraws a toad from the sack and plunges it down the teller s throat The teller recoils in shock and falls backwards lifeless to the ground Awwroit oi ve got me three moah toads in this here sack Eithah of yew two gonna be an ero end cthulu start belial anyway the turtle was saying you with the cane toad lay off the jelly-beans! meet the monkey in his natural habitat nudge nudge! no bio s no history no info whatsoever this month an army of killer gophers came into the blade fortress and stole mindcrime s hot sister and held her hostage for a few days angst ensued! field commander belial quickly gathered a band of merry heroes to attempt to rescue the fair damsel i m a hero! belial commented if anyone can save her nudge i can! going with belial on his mission was edicius dimes & filling out the roster jason & buddy (they re goth in real life!) they set out on a dark and stormy (haw!) night this sun is killing me! buddy said badgers belial said we don t need no stinking badgers! get off my toes you sons o! edicius said you! what are you a mute wintermute i got it! belial said throwing the horse out the window The End! end belial start mindcrime (belial fell asleep ) have you ever been hit over the head with some wire-reinforced ripple glass it hurts special report this just in kiwi in a last ditch effort to be like his idle the grinch and steal christmas has packed up his wiffle ball and wiffle knife and is heading down er up to the north poll to kick some serious santa ass word has it that the jolly one has caught word of this terrorist attack and will be moving south for the holidays we ll keep you posted i m a chemist! look at my buckyball! okay so a welder a carpenter and a glassblower were sitting in a boat the welder turned to the glassblower and said give me back my iron beotch! so the glassblower said who me ! i don t have your iron what the hell is an iron anyway so the carpenter turned to them and said quit bickering and give me some wood in unison the glassblower and welder said wood we give no wood and then a golfer showed up and said i took your iron now shutup and blow me some glass so i was sURFIN the web with my elite new copy of ncsa mosaic and my 286 16 with a 300 baud modem right and i come across this pron picture of alicia silverstone so i say to myself hot diggety damn! and i start downloading it with my elite state-of-the-art xmodem protocol two weeks later when the download was done i found out it was a fake! FUCKING ANGST SATAN! ANGST! ANGST! ANGST! ANGST!!!!!! remember when The Edge actually had blade NEWS in it snicker warning blast from the past ahead! caution! Welcome to another exciting Blade Epic! This month we were all really happy to be a part of this great ansi art scene so we drew alot of really nice ansi and even some VGA!!! That s right folks it was a really neat month! And you know what We gained lots of new members too! I m so proud to be the leader of such a great bunch of guys! alright enough of that i m getting sick in IRC news this month we all idled! SO I present to you in it s entirety luke skywalker s ode to #blade! and the natives rejoiced yay If you want to find us check on irc We hang in #blade the freshest place to be We chill all day long though we re never around Our screen names are listed but we re nowhere to be found For the magic of Blade is the power of away And in #Blade we sit idle each and every day You ask why we do it but the answer I have not For I m not around but my screen name will sit and rot We no longer have a bot and we re often without an op But since no one s around there s no need for a @ to drop To those who don t know the room is always full But to those who want Mindcrime you know it s a bunch of bull That lazy bastard is never around But no matter the time of day his nick will be found The same goes for Belial whose _b3 sits there proud Atop all other nicks surveying the crowd Let s not forget Dimes who too idles all day long Bitz and Edicius also sing the Away song DJ Bender is often there as idle as the rest I hate these fucking idlers I really must protest! No longer can I pretend that idleness is cool No longer will I let you play me for the fool Because I am always awake along with is Meltdown and Exar Grymmjack too is often alive and Diarmuid is never too far But idle as they are the boys are still the best When they re awake it s worth the wait so let them get their rest So let this be a warning to all you IRC fools Although they are all idle the boys of #Blade rule! that luke is just one FUN-E guy isn t he we love you luke! use the force! nyuk nyuk okay so like yeah well um huh werd it s christmas time again folks! and you know what that means PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!!! weeeeeEEEee! so as my present to you all here s a nifty poem about the holiday season as we celebrate it here in the blade nation exar-kun s doing the breast stroke again (UH-GANE) kiwi and grymmjack have hijacked a plane we re gunna fly around the world bringing many joys to all the sexy girls and maybe some boys we ll drink lots of jolt and spread christmas cheer to the adults we ll give ansi and the kids we ll give beer with christmas we celebrate the birth of our god even though i wasn t born on december 25th okay! that was fun i love short poems that fail to rhyme oh but wait! blade is a politically correct group so we now have to celebrate hanukkah and kwanza! hanukkah is a december holiday too but you might not know it unless you re a jew they celebrate the festival of lights with one of those candlesticks they eat unleven bread and that fish stuff even though it licks kwanza is a holiday nobody knows about even me alright seriously folks no disrespect meant to anyone with those poems we here at the blade nation wish everyone a safe and happy holiday season this may be a fun time of year and a profitable one at that but please don t forget why we celebrate these holidays (hint it s not for all the beer and egg nog ) TAKE THEM TO THE IRON MAIDEN! EXCELLENT! insert air guitar here EXECUTE THEM! BOGUS the blade senior staff went on an outing this month! that s right we went to see ANTHRAX and GWAR! THEY KICK ASS! alright so we didn t but that would have been really cool want to know why grymmjack that pimp daddy font and track master boy only had one (albeit awesome) logo in this pack his guinea pig got loose and climbed inside his computer and chewed through his hard drive those little fuckers have some seriously strong teeth! oh yeah and the great topiary gardener in the sky told grymmy not to take requests anymore SO DON T ASK this month we have two guest artists who were gracious enough to do joint works with some of our own members thanks to tomppa1 (the vga MACK DADDY) and schtroumpf (lIT bOY) for their contributions on thanksgiving little funky negro decided he needed more action in his life and the bickering of relatives didn t help the matter much so he strapped on an orco man outfit pulled out his rAID mAX aNT kILLER and became dun dun dun THE EXTERMINATOR so far we haven t been able to catch up with him for an interview but we hear that he s now wanted in 48 states (it seems in wisconsin things like this happen all the time and in california he just fit in ) we ll keep you posted as this plot thickens (we probably won t really it s just a conveniant way of ending a story that s going nowhere ) BLATANT RIP OFF OF CIA S INFOFILE mindcrime s cd pick of the month - enigma 3 le roi est mort vive le roi! WE OWN YOU CIA YOU GUYS MUST PHEAR oh hey guess what we got new members this month! wheep! we got charr he s got these razor sharp adamantium claws that he uses to manipulate the electron guns in your silly cathode ray tube to make some rahd ass high-rezolution phear we got oxidizer he uses his incredible telekinetic powers to move around ascii characters and form incredible sculptures of low-rezolution art phear we got trobriand he s got music in his SOUL phear THAT we got ironman he s so old school he doesn t even know what high-rez IS he uses his amazing shrinking powers to shrink himself down into binary digits and FORCE the computer to draw him some rahd ass ascii oh yeah and we got cereal killer cue for aggression destro etana handiboy iori yagami jughead maeve wolf mega! neophyte pedantik platinum rage sentience the extremist iconoclast intrepid publius enigma nme plastic weird wishbringer agnostic basic bast beatle big brother crowkeeper cthulu flying fish jake blues journey remhoraz sylphid zamfir worshipper zinnia rock thanatos the wanderer silent knight foolish bird fritz the pope candide dr cpu eto helter mavrik maxwell melkor questor xavier and wodan in promotions this month diarmuid was promoted from mascot to key grip here hold my keys this month belial found out how to use uuencode decode! needless to say he spent the entire month searching usenet for pron metallic blood slipped on some moss and broke his head in half luckily it was only made of ceramic so all we need is a little crazy glue and he ll be good as new but currently all blade nation funds are deticated to world domination so we re not going to buy the glue until that happens one of blade s most overlooked divisions has started to bloom into an incredibly talented group of artists i implore you to check out the music in this month s epic dead soul who s been in the group for quite some time now has a most excellent s3m in this zip check it out i gauruntee it ll blow your mind this month we started our war fire fled cia balked dark laughed at us next month we won t be so nice xedgex got a hair transplant he now has a red afro like ronald mcdonald i walked up to this guy mopping the floor right and i was like i ll kick your ass you stupid janitor! and he was like i m not a janitor i m a custodial engineer booo waaa he got me all in check i ran away word to the wise if there is ever a volcano in the near future the blade nation caused it so phear a plumber a bank robber and a surgeon walk into a bar the bank robber puts his finger in his pocket and points it at the bartender and says gimme all your beer the bartender says your a bank robber in this joke cut it out! oh and then the plumber says gimme sex on the beach and the surgeon replies i ll take bitches and hoes for $500 alex here s this months Screaming Wontons air hockey standings major upset this month as dimes had a major off day and we beat all over him 1 belial 2 mindcrime 3 dimes 4 edicius 5 grey hawk 6 lucifer and now blade s resident little funky negro busts some rhymes hip-hop style phear his lyrical prowess % $ $ lfn s $ dS% $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $$ $ $ $ $ $ $$$ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ S% $ $ $ $ &$& $S$ $ $ $ $ $ $$ s&$ $$ lfn s lyricism $ dis one s for lukesky! @ --+ lyrical instinct the infamous wieldin mics is my purpose my intent -- to represent on dis rhymin instrument call me acid I break opponents like bonds i bring it on Rev0lution! my soldiers throw ROMs because bombs can t acheive my friends ends and in tha end Blade! stood supreme otha groups get crushed BLOWN to smithereens in the smoke +-- okay well that s all folks! hope you enjoyed another wild and zany issue of the edge STATION! blade art productions 96 neophyte the members december 1996 leader of the revolution (AI-L-) mindcrime mike@exit109 com senior staff (-I-L-) belial (senior advisor) marc@netlabs net (---L-) edicius edi@cybercomm net (AI---) grey hawk grey@infi-pos com coordinators (CODE-) dark knight (coding) darky@execpc com (A---M) grymmjack (music) grymmy@alliance net (-I---) meltdown (ascii) k2112@cris com (A----) metallic blood (global) (---L-) q (literature) hu 86@osu edu (A----) white raven (ansi) (--V--) xEDGEx (high resolution) ahopesc@superlink com members (---L-) agnostic (-I---) alienated testicle giwish@mindport net (--V--) aninimal aninimal@cris com (---L-) basic (COORD) bast audrey_yap@mindlink bc ca (COORD) beatle beatle@cds dudd uniserve com (---L-) big brother (CODE-) candide (A----) cereal killer (--V--) charr charr@matches com (-----) counterpoint (A-V--) creator pursuit@xmission com (COORD) crowkeeper crowkeep@imag net (PRES-) cthulu cthulu@infomatch com (A----) cue for aggression (-----) darkman (----M) dead soul (A----) destro (FTP--) dimes sdiamond@skidmore edu (COORD) dr cpu drcpu@vcn bc ca (---L-) dyz (-----) errant angel (A-V--) etana (COORD) eto e1140166@vm bcit bc ca (-I---) exar kun koondog@ix netcom com (-----) facsimile (INFO-) flare sggamals@oakland edu (-----) flux (COORD) flying fish flyingfish@cds dudd uniserve com (----M) foolish bird (----M) fritz (A---M) handiboy (-I---) hard liqour (CODE-) helter (COORD) iconoclast iconoclast@cds dudd uniserve com (-----) ilsundal root@alfheim net (-I---) intrepid (A----) iori yagami (-I---) ironman (--VLM) jake blues (---LM) journey (COORD) jughead (--V--) kyo (A----) kiwi kiwi justice@sylvania sev org (---L-) little funky negro cbowers@superlink net (--V--) liquid blue disco@javanet com (---L-) lonestar ttoth@earth execpc com (AI---) lucifer lucifer@injersey com (---L-) luke skywalker (A----) maeve wolf (AI---) mass murderer murd@digifro com (COORD) mavrik (CODE-) maxwell (A----) mega! (CODE-) melkor (--V--) nemesis mike15@usa pipeline com (COORD) neophyte neophyte@bbs dsoe com (-I---) nme (-I---) oxidizer (----M) paladin (-I---) pariah (COORD) pedantik (A----) pennywise (COORD) plastic trin@bbs dsoe com (A----) platinum (-I---) publius enigma (CODE-) questor (--V--) raveged wanderer rw@shocking com (A----) rage (A----) rebal slntrage@cris com (---L-) remhoraz (-I---) risu puke@ix netcom com (A-V-M) sentience (INFO-) shellman (--V--) silent knight (-----) soul seeker soulman@cybercomm net (A----) spear (A----) splatt (A----) subconsciousness syphid@infomatch com (COORD) sylphid (COORD) thanatos thxmist@ix netcom com (COORD) the extremist xtremist@qb autoroute net (-I---) the illusionist (-I---) the masked marauder (-I---) the natural tnatural@outerlimits net (----M) the pope (--V--) the wanderer (-I---) torgo torgo@geocities com (WAREZ) toth (-----) tourian tourian@angel heaven god (----M) trobriand (---L-) tron powerhouse tronepic@tir com (-I---) tzeentch (---L-) underling (---L-) virago virago@juno com (-I---) weird (-I---) wishbringer (INFO-) wodan (CODE-) xavier (---L-) zamfir worshipper (-I---) zempf (---L-) zinnia rock * - several people have been deleted from this list due to inactivity this does not necassarily constitute removal from the group the affiliates december 1996 alderaan (908) (mindcrime) - galactic temple apocalypse (201) (napalm) - eastern shrine harvest moon (216) (qur an) - central shrine divine madness ( ) (creator) - western shrine free coke (613) (the night angel) - canadian shrine neo tokyo (+32) (tasmaniac) - european shrine arcane (+61) (intense) - australian shrine prevail (+46) (rex) - swedish shrine mental overdose (+32) (zarkof) - belgian shrine altconn (+55) (starfox) - brazilian shrine ravebase (+41) (maverick) - swiss shrine optical illusion (+47) (pyx) - norwegian shrine ironyx (+31) (radical) - dutch shrine +-- - --+ twist of fate (810) (flare) - distribution outpost the rebel base (718) (luke skywalker) - distribution outpost +-- - --+ email - mike@exit109 com blade www home page - http www exit109 com mike blade ftp - 141 222 120 89 blade end of file!