32 WAYS TO BE ANNOYING 2 In the memo field of all your checks write for sensual massage 3 Specify that your drive-through order is to go 4 Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip 5 If you have a glass eye tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others 9 Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food and announce that this is so no one will swipe your grub 10 Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200% extra dark 17 inch paper 99 copies 13 Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles 14 Name your dog Dog 15 Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions to keep them tuned up 16 Reply to everything someone says with that s what YOU think 18 Declare your apartment an independent nation and sue your neighbors upstairs for violating your airspace 19 Forget the punchline to a long joke but assure the listener it was a real hoot 20 Follow a few paces behind someone spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol 22 Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss 23 Make beeping noises when a large person backs up 24 Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance 26 Finish all your sentences with the words in accordance with prophesy 27 Wear a special hip holster for your remote control 28 Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences producing awkward silences with the impression that you ll be saying more any moment 30 Disassemble your pen and accidently flip the ink cartridge across the room 31 Give a play-by-play account of a person s every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice