st +@)----------------------------------------- ------------(@+ #@!the edge is published monthly as an info e productions$# +@)---------------------------------------- ------------(@+ the edge - the blade informational textfile - volume 3 issue 9 the jolt is life - - - - contents - 1 the edge (volume 3 issue 9) 2 the members (november 1996) 3 the affiliates (november 1996) - - - - - - and now the random spewings of belial and mindcrime not necassarily in that order though here we are again-- up to our arse in wood shavings just think though if we weren t do you think we d be having this conversation no thank you! NEWSFLASH this is splatt reporting here from jerusalem oregon things are getting hairy! DUCK! st folks there are gun shots SKANK-FEST 96 all over the place! i m packin up my nachos and leavin ! this is a beat scene man! back to the studio there you have it folks actual footage from 1996 s second most imfamous fest SKANK-FEST! second only that is to eating-chicken-on-a-lonely-saturday-night-with-all-the-lesbians- in-the-neighborhood-and-some-ugly-little-cat- with-green-fur-and-a-big- hairlip-and-wide-bulging-hips-and-lice-in- the-larder- o-thon-fest 96 err i mean bladefest 96! as we stated before blade fans this is ANOTHER epic indeed even the pope had a comment about kiwi s tooshie i m-a da pope-a! right from the mouth of good ole john himself huzzah! i ve got a waffle-iron baby and i m not afraid to use it! the terror! blade the political party and just think kids we have our own propaganda! all this for the - your immortal soul in the official depths of hell symbol of the blade on this good election party year blade took its next step in the conquest of the WORLD! after one hell of a national convention at which the members of blade got quite rowdy and beat the hell out of ki bw nancy reagan we finally got around to nominating a candidate running for the blade world domination party was kiwi who accepted his nomination by guzzling a beer and screaming ANGST! after passing out on stage and being pillaged by the rest of the blade members we managed to wake him up for the announcment of a running mate uhm what who nudge nudge a RUNNING MATE A VICE PRESIDENT heh oh uhm grymmjack is cool so off they went on one hell of a campaign promising crack and jolt cola to all the modem warriors around the country in a last ditch attempt at killing the reputation of his fellow candidates kiwi paid for television advertisements showing ansi depictions of bill clinton and bob dole killing a dog preliminary polls showed both candidate s popularity skyrocket after the add proving once again the derangment of the american people as election day came kiwi and grymmjack decided to try to fix the election and preserve the blade bid for world domination unfortunatly their plan was foiled as the american public was not at all frightened by kiwi who decided that a viking outfit would be the perfect way to scare people into voting for him ki+bw presidential candidate kiwi attempts to scare the vote in his direction in theaters everywhere this month millions of people around the world got to see our very own romeo liquor appear in the modern modem warrior rendition of shakespear s classic romeo + juliet what angst through yonder irc screen session breaks it is the lagged server st and juliet is the isdn! romeo liquor struggling to remember his lines so there we were minding our own business in the comfort of mindcrime s k-elite pad when we hear a bunch of hoodlum s causing a ruckus outside hey that s my car! yelled belial as one of the deranged youth tossed an egg at the white car parked out on the street belial with his superhuman speed changed into his tights and cape and bolted out the door to nab the evil doers before more harm could be done as he lifted the culprit above his head ready to pile drive him in genuine junk yard dog fashion an egg came flying out of the darkness pummeling belial in the arm and sending him flying backward onto the grass the crazed teens managed to espace that night succesful in their attempts to cover belial s auto- mobile in goey egg substance but fear not fellow citizens for the almighty belial will not stop until all evil is squelched! belial struck hard by the egg HEY!# attempts to foil the plans who threw that of the evil doers by asking for names -egg -- egg stuf - ooh action lines! st )@($*%)(@#*$)(@#*$_(@#*$)@*#$)(@#*$)(*@#+$)( someone yelled in japanese hey baby come over here for some lovin splatt said making eye motions towards some chick yo man get yo hands off-a her she s my bitch tonight kyo yelled pointing his AK at splatt just then the illusionist jumped in front of kyo s gun this most stop! he said in what he hoped was his best superhero voice man his shit just pissed all cuase he thinks his ass be the newest member in blade splatt said scowling at kyo you re a punk! kyo said firing at splatt the illusionist went to work and caught the bullet between his teeth before it had the chance to rip through splatt man yo saved my life mo fucka! splatt said with a tear in his eye kyo scowled how da fuck you catch that shit in yo mouth i am member of blade the illusionist said i guess we re all new kyo said awwwwwwwww yeah home skillet! added dj bender who then passed out due to a massive crack overdose dat be the funk my brotha! added tzeentch who then passed out due to exaustion while trying to pronounce his handle true dat jeriko-one! added the masked maruauder who then went to a frat party werd! added little funky negro who then busted into rhyme and started breakdancing that is right good fellows echos the voice of spear who slides out of the darkness with a pimp-like strut we z da newest blade pimps bEOTCH! added splatt who now had a new sence of identity and then out of nowhere the ghost of blade-members past appeared in the form of chromatik! GREAT CHROMATIK S GHOST! yelled the new blade members in unison you the new blade members have been entrusted with the great chalice of pimpness do not abuse your new pimp status be one with the blade and so the new blade members bowed down before the great ghost of members past and accepted the golden chalice of pimpness this is a great day for the artists of the scene a day to be remembered for all eternity muahahahahha boomed the demonic laughter of cheeze the ghost of blade members future the end in our ever present quest for world domination we ve had to kill off a bunch of traitors hack is now dead so is brain eater they were destroyed for their crimes against the people s front of blade i thought we were the blade people s front no you imbasile we re the people s front of blade oh and now meltdown who think s he s funny would like to enlighten you on the top ten reason to join blade (editor s note we think this sucks ) - TOP TEN REASONS TO JOIN BLADE PRODUCTIONS - 10 Meep! Meep! 9 Why do you think Jenny McCarthy quit MTV 8 Electronic beeps - R2D2 7 Crime Mind MindCrime 6 Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 5 Blade Fest 97 MANG 4 Sub Delta morons from Space Quest 3 said so 3 Kiwi doesn t just have explosives for nothin 2 We have hacked accounts on www penthouse com 1 BLADE EXTRODINARE if you know what i mean okay! that was fun! what s next oh oh oh! grymmjack our lovable huggable smoochable squeezable ansi-drawing music-tracking joke-cracking multi-purposed jack-of-all-trades has been promoted to music coordinator and the kingdom rejoiced yay! THANKSGIVING SUCKS!!!! and now a word from our sponsor ------------------------------------------------------------ blade exclusive! white raven returns to blade! _ ------------------------------------------------------- i bet you all remember that awesome blade artist kuma right well after he moved to columbia he found _ __ that goat hearding and mountain climbing was really pointless thus he ate his trusty goat burned his ___ _wr climbing gear and went forward in the world after + attempting to find his way back he joined a colony of buddah and strived for true spiritualness but when the mean old buddah took away his trusty marlboro lights kuma got pissed and killed them all so to hide his identity he changed his handle to white raven thus he returned to the art scene and joined fire and teklordz searching for blade still he joined fuel and eclipse and dropped fire but now this VERY day he found his way to blade and was welcomed with open arms! risu - hehe YAY#!$! really! you back you just left last month =) tough w out us eh =) i ph34r you kiwi - I LOVE YOU!! you ll always be Kuma to me though i don t care what you say anything with raven in it sounds too PDish i mean you re kuma- k2 the guy whose ansi was always listed just before me *sniffle* - aww gimmie head for some old times sake! * kiwi_blde has been kickbanned from #blade by whtraven * white raven wrote that egotistical bastard and now q has a few words to say about the lit department jiZoW well stuff be brewin in the blade s lit department we got more recruits than i can mention each wielding phatter lit skeelz than i had hoped for a lot of shit s been goin down with my own life including computer ailments that have prevented me from doin a lot of blade stuff (bLAspHemY!!) but things are now together and these next few releases are going to blow your dirty-need-to-be-changed underwear off overheard dyz yeh i ll be promoted to pc tech soon 7 20 and hour! cypherhex i just got a job at the zoo circumcising elephants the pay sucks but the tips are HUGE! thanks q love ya babe! and then she said get off me you fat bastard on a most solumn and serious note fellow blade member artist and beloved friend tourian died this month of heart failure he was 21 tourian was new to the blade family but we had known him from the good times on #blade for a long time he was a great friend who always knew how to make you laugh he was one of those guys you could tell anything to and you knew he d understand he will be sorely missed by all of us and he will forever have a place among us st go with god tourian your memory lives on gj! the members november 1996 alienated testicle (giwish@mindport net) ascii artist aninimal (aninimal@cris com) high resolution belial (marc@netlabs net) senior staff counterpoint alumnus creator (pursuit@xmission com) ansi artist dark knight (darky@execpc com) coding coordinator darkman alumnus dead soul (deadsoul@liii com) music coordinator dimes (sdiamond@skidmore edu) ftp supervisor dj bender musician dyz literature edicius (edi@cybercomm net) senior staff errant angel alumnus exar kun (koondog@ix netcom com) ascii artist facsimile alumnus flare (sggamals@oakland edu) info services flux alumnus grey hawk (grey@infi-pos com) senior staff grymmjack (grymmy@alliance net) ansi music hard liqour ascii artist ilsundal (root@alfheim net) useless information kyo high resolution kiwi (kiwi justice@sylvania sev org ansi good head little funky negro literature liquid blue (disco@javanet com) high resolution lonestar (ttoth@earth execpc com) literature lucifer (lucifer@injersey com) ansi ascii artist luke skywalker literature mass murderer (murd@digifro com) ansi ascii artist meltdown (k2112@cris com) ascii coordinator metalchic (metalchic@alfheim net) tape halo maker metallic blood global coordinator mindcrime (mike@exit109 com) president founder nemesis (mike15@usa pipeline com) high resolution paladin musician pariah ascii artist pennywise (pennywise@malum ab ca) ansi artist q (hu 86@osu edu) lit coordinator raveged wanderer (rw@shocking com) high resolution rebal (slntrage@cris com) ansi artist risu (puke@ix netcom com) ascii artist shellman info services soul seeker (soulman@cybercomm net) ansi art alumnus spear ansi ascii artist splatt ansi artist subconsciousness ansi coordinator the illusionist ascii artist the masked marauder ascii artist the natural (tnatural@outerlimits net) ascii artist torgo (torgo@geocities com) high resolution toth supplier tourian (tourian@angel heaven god) alumnus tron powerhouse (tronepic@tir com) literature tzeentch ascii artist underling literature virago (virago@juno com) literature xEDGEx (ahopesc@superlink com) vga coordinator * - several people have been deleted from this list due to inactivity this does not necassarily constitue removal from the group the affiliates november 1996 alderaan (908) (mindcrime) - galactic temple apocalypse (201) (napalm) - eastern shrine harvest moon (216) (qur an) - central shrine cool dudes inc (613) (misc dudes) - canadian shrine neo tokyo (+32) (tasmaniac) - european shrine arcane (+61) (intense) - australian shrine prevail (+46) (rex) - swedish shrine mental overdose (+32) (zarkof) - belgian shrine altconn (+55) (starfox) - brazilian shrine ravebase (+41) (maverick) - swiss shrine optical illusion (+47) (pyx) - norwegian shrine ironyx (+31) (radical) - dutch shrine +-- - --+ twist of fate (810) (flare) - distribution outpost the rebel base (718) (luke skywalker) - distribution outpost +-- - --+ email - mike@exit109 com blade www home page - http www exit109 com mike blade ftp - 141 222 120 89 blade end of file!