Here s one from Take A Bite (another fine e-zine) i m sure it ll be of undying use to all you ansi artists out there snigger ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- How to apply makeup There have been a number of questions on alt gothic about make-up In order to answer them we asked a professional beautician to write an article for Take a Bite She refused so here is something we cobbled together at the last minute YOU WILL NEED YOU WON T NEED o White Foundation o Pneumatic Drill o White Powder Talc o Cocaine Flour o Powder Brush o Wire Brush o Black Eyeliner Pencil o 6H propelling pencil o Black Liquid Eyeliner o Washing up liquid o Eyeshadow (optional) o Plastic novelty eyes on-a-spring o Black grey purple blush & brush o Make-Up-and-Go Cindy(tm) o Lipstick & Lipcote o Can of spray-on-cheese o Gentle Hairspray o Nitric Acid Phase 1 Clean your skin Cleanse moisturise tone Rub it with apricot facial scrub scratchy face pads brillo pads steel wool Clean it till it bleeds This removes any dead skin that you might have on your face Dead things You make my heart sing The problem with dead skin is it tends to produce blotchy patchy foundation If you need to shave you should have already done it The aftershave is going to hurt like hell but we have to suffer for our art so the rest of us will just wait until you stop slapping your self in the face and screaming and then we ll continue DON T Try to remove the top layer of your face will a spoon Phase 2 Once you have wiped away the blood and dried everything off nicely it s time to start applying the foundation Now before we ate her brains the beautician mentioned something about adding a layer of a light skin tone coloured foundation before the white and using a spot concealer if you have a blemish but after phase 1 you shouldn t have any zits or skin tone left so there (You at the back! You can if you want to OK ) First of all put a wodge of it on the back of your hand and rub it in a bit this is akin to an artist mixing paints on his or her palette Then you can start to apply it evenly to your face Don t forget to massage it in right from the top of your hairline to the base of your neck If you have a hawk or something you probably need to do your ears too! I find it easier to draw stripes on my face (like Adam Ant) and then blend them in together DO NOT FORGET TO BLEND THEM IN TOGETHER cos you ll look like a clown on bad acid If you are Nik Fiend you could put a bottle of liquid latex on your face or something I have never tried it but then I also never tried the special fried mice at the Super Garden Kitchen Now dust some of the powder or talcum powder over the foundation cream using the powder brush Repeat until you look like a flawless creature from the crypt DON T use cocaine (too expensive) or flour (you ll end up covered in dough if you sweat) DON T mis-spell flour as flower in the prelims or Tamara will laugh at you Phase 3 Not everyone seems to realise that eyeliner is for lining the edge of the eyelid and not slapping on underneath Actually whatever way you want to do it works Basically as long as you don t start drawing on your eyeball it s OK You can draw all sorts of patterns lines dots spiders webs How Exciting! Tip 1 Liquid eyeliner stays on longer on top of eyeliner pencil Tip 2 If you do draw on your eyeball use a pencil rather than liquid eyeliner as it hurts less Tip 3 See Phase 6 below You can do eyeshadow too if you want to For the really adept blend several shades together across your eyelid DON T try and tattoo on your own eyeliner using a 6h pencil and a bottle of embalming fluid Phase 4 To apply blush suck in your cheeks and brush GENTLY along the underside of your cheek bones Keep adding depth until it looks like you are in an advanced state of consumption Grey Black and Purple subtly combined give the very best effect DON T Slap your face until you get bruises in exactly the right places as they might swell up Phase 5 Try to avoid the old Fat Bob method of drawing all over your face with scarlet lipstick It s kind of passe now You can use the eyeliner pencil as lip-liner if you have a problem with keeping within the edges of your lips Once you have got it on blot once on tissue paper (that means biting gently with your lips on either side of a kleenex to absorb the excess moisture oh you knew that sorry I ll shut up shall I ) Apply some sort of lip cover it s a sort of varnish for your lips which stings if your lips are cracked but keeps the coloured stuff on all night no matter how much kissing snakebite drinking or jugular piercing you do DON T Eat something poisonous to achieve blue-tinge effect Phase 6 Get some gentle hairspray NOT ULTIMATE HOLD AQUANET INFLAMMABLE DO NOT USE ON HUMANS hairspray With your eyes shut carefully spray any detailed or complicated eye or face make up you may have Wait until it is dry before opening your eyes This provides a small protective layer which may prevent accidental smudges (This is also not recommended by the hairspray manufacturers or by TaB directly We can assume no responsibility for any skin damage caused by this technique We all do it though and apart from the seeping sores it works just fine ) DON T forget to extinguish all smoking materials first! Phase 7 If you are feeling festive you can use spirit gum to stick things to your face like at black sequins stars satellite dishes house keys What ever DON T if you don t have to Phase 8 Take care of your skin If you decide to be oh-so-hardcore and wear makeup day and night for the rest of your life you will probably end up with an imbalance of stuff This can lead to all sorts of problems TaB therefore recommends lots of cleansing lotions and at least one peel off face mask each week Once again we don t condone the use of liquid latex as a beauty aid but it probably works DON T copy anyone else s make up Instead you should steal it modify it slightly do it better and accuse Them of copying You