MY LIFE NOT AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY I died peacefully in my sleep on April 26 2077 one day and ninety-eight years after my birth That s when my life began I don t remember the dry gasps that must have accompanied my death but when I awoke my throat was sore from them Maybe I used the word awoke in too loose a form To awaken after death is a very monumental stage of life (or afterlife as the case may be) A risky one too I discovered for you re not very sure if you ll be a shadow all your afterlife or a wavering ghost of dust particles swept apart by a slight breeze I suppose I was lucky to find that my new body was woven of the black wisps of the night sky which constitute a shadow My first action was to begin rising from my bed a labourious process in my old age I remember the icy shock as the tiny effort I exerted into getting up- nay thinking of getting up- propelled me to the ceiling! I levitated with my head an inch from the pale stucco and stayed there quite peacefully for awhile in a dreamstate of sorts I felt myself getting lighter as if I were sewn of summer rays and it made me happy Just as I thought I might no longer be a shadow the door knob to my room turned with its familar squeak More out of instinct than conscious thought I spread myself along the ceiling so as not be seen Realizing that a very dark ceiling would arouse suspicion I floated down and behind the window shutter Through the slats I could see whoever entered the room and yet would not be detected myself The door opened and an old couple ushered themselves in Betty and John dear friends of mine come to call on me per our weekly schedule I tried to welcome them ask what book they had brought to read but my voice was the dry whisper of things dead and forgotten I wanted to fling myself at them and say I m not dead! Finish reading Dune! I need to know what happens! but my shadow form becoming denser seemed no longer human With the wisdom of one with as many years on the planet as I I remained still Betty was trying to wake me and John s forehead was creasing I heard my name repeated softly at first then with urgency It drifted inside me and died they had stopped trying The pale blue covers were pulled gently over my face and I whispered Don t leave me so soon! I m still here! but they carried on regardless I tried to weep for my friends and for myself but no tears came I tried to feel angry at this and realized that no anger could be felt Sadness was the only emotion left and I was a shadowy mass of it My funeral was a simple one attendance was low I had outlived most of my friends although I had not encountered them in the shadowlands yet not that I would have recognized them if I had The shadowlands was a place I was swept off to soon after the discovery of my body It was a land of greys blacks and whites nothing else It was as if someone had drained all colour from a forest and left it decaying It was not physically uncomfortable nothing was anymore The mood was what hurt millions of shadows like me drifting about Some were in human form as I tried to maintain myself and I knew they were also newcomers Some of the human forms were old like me but some were in the forms of children and teenagers Most features were nonexistent the general shape was all that determined that these shadows had ever been human The shadows in free form were nothing more than silent grey fog some patches thicker than others I learned soon that every tree s shadow every shadow of a blade of a grass and every other shadow on the planet was that of a dead soul from the dawn of time Night was our time the light which we knew nothing of would leave us alone Those of us with enough consciousness howled outside the windows of their loved ones and although I watched this ritual I never joined in At first I spent time in the shadowlands only when it was inevitable but as time passed I hardly left it The vast dead forest had become my home its inhabitants my family I watched the others lose human form as I lost mine and grow darker Without protesting they let themselves be pulled to the shadowlands floor becoming permanent shadows soulless unmoving dead at last I am unsure as to when I noticed this about the shadowlands perhaps it was when I grew a bit darker myself My sadness and anguish had accumulated like dew coating me inside and out No longer was my soul that of raw anguish rather a dull ache painful whenever I remembered all I had left behind I grew denser blacker lethargic and began to lose any misplaced hope of returning to the world I had left One morning however I chanced to be caught in the light of sunrise The shadowlands is not an underground place nor do you reach it if you re not a shadow Reflecting back I could have returned to the dreary world immediately but I didn t Instead I listened to the world waking up The songbirds trilled and the flowers began to open I watched silently as the clouds turned orange as if aflame and slowly majestically the sun rose It filled me with a sense of fear although I was unsure why Slowly the fear began to dissipate along with the dew of sadness I forgot the safe shadowlands in light of this amazing occurrence and shed entirely my human form to which I had clung to vainly for so long The light speared me and it didn t hurt I felt myself growing light and free and the sadness and despair I had carried for so long were gone I searched for it hoping not to find it and discovered only peace and happiness In my joy I noticed a dense mass flowing towards me and heard the familar dry moan of sadness Come with me friend let your sadness dissolve I said finding my voice to be young and melodious The moan I received in answer was almost enough to return me to my depression It could not come with me Whose soul this shadow embodied I did not know but it was not a peaceful one It reminded me of myself a period of my existence which already seemed so far away I turned to the shadow and began moving into it merging with it It wavered distorting like the hot air surrounding a fire but I kept going searching for the root of its sadness I found it soon enough the pain and denial of never being able to go back The incredible sense of loss frustration and loneliness I shared the emotions embraced them and felt them disappear in my grasp The other shadow was getting lighter now and it was faintly glowing Thank you it sang thank you! I felt myself being pulled lightly upwards as if by a sun ray Come on I said urgently noticing that the other faint shadow wasn t rising Don t worry about me it sang back we ll meet again! Before I could ask why I was answered The now-peaceful shadow was drifting towards a dense fog which lightly moaned as it was approached I relaxed and watched the world grow smaller and darker beneath me as I rose