Can anyone get me a couple hits of the following ------------------------------------------------------------- New Drug Menace Uncovered by Jim Hoffman Researchers have discovered a dangerous drug which although in widespread use has mysteriously evaded detection until recently The drug known variously as sleep nap snooze zees or dream is known to be highly addictive and to have severe withdraw symptoms So addictive is this drug researchers claim that not a single case of successful withdraw has been documented Most users need a fix on a daily basis as withdraw typically sets in within a day of abstinence Withdraw symptoms include fatigue unclear thinking impaired motor performance and irritability Intergenerational transmission of the drug addiction has been observed in numerous cases The actual drug known as endorphin is classified as a narcotic analgesic and is closely related to heroin Its effects however are far more severe as users are typically completely incapacitated - even comatose - while on the drug Moreover users returning from a dose of sleep frequently speak of wild delusions had while on the drug By a fortunate coincidence of nature the incapacitating effects of the drug restrain the user from acting out violently on their delusions It is not known however whether users might carry out violent acts while sober based on delusions from a recent sleep episode One of the features of this drug epidemic that is particularly worrisome is that most users apparently have the ability to synthesize the drug in their own brains! Government and law enforcement officials caught off guard by the revelation that such a powerful drug is already in wide- spread use are quick to point to this fact in defense of their inaction One official put it thusly How can we fight a drug that addicts can score in their own brains And they can snap themselves out of it in seconds you ve got no evidence no case Can t nail em on piss either cause they tell me everybody s got some of this stuff floating around in their bloodstreams Others have pointed out that most users indulge in this drug only in the presence of family and close friends and mask the activity with euphemisms like rest or shut-eye Other officials are more sanguine about the possibilities of fighting this menace They are suggesting the repeal of the constitution and bill of rights so police may routinely visit private residences to root out this activity as well as the offering of rewards for the reporting of people engaged in the crime The behavioral symptoms to look for are horizontal posture lying almost motionless for hours at a time unresponsiveness and regular breathing A sudden stimulus such as a loud noise is an effective antidote though it should be used with caution as the user is apt to become violent High level government officials have promised swift action scheduling this dangerous substance Meanwhile market analysts have projected the sale of eggs and frying pans to skyrocket when parents recognizing their children are in danger really get down to business with drug education