The Canonical List of Dead Baby Jokes ===================================== Revision History 05 Jan 93 - initial release of someone elses list and my changes 02 Feb 93 - additions Mini Table of Contents 1) Introduction and PS 2) The LIST --------------------------------------------------------------------------- INTRODUCTION ------------ The following is a list of Dead Baby jokes which I picked up and expanded on with some reordering to remove some of my duplicates and show different versions of questions and answers Format 1) Different versions of the same question or answer are listed together in a single questions answer set as Q1 Q2 Q3 or A1 A2 A3 2) Non-related jokes are separated by a line with ---------- Thanks to those of you who started this list (several times over) and those who continue to contribute WARNING some of these jokes are considered semi-x-rated please take this into consideration when distributing this list PS To add to the list please send me your jokes and they will be added as quickly as I am able --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Canonical List of Dead Baby Jokes ( Sorry but they had to be told! OK I m NOT sorry!!!! ) * Warning if you are easily offended by Dead Baby Jokes DON T read any further ---------- Q What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool A A baby with slashed floaties Q What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool A The same baby three weeks later ---------- Q What s red and sits in a highchair A A baby eating razor-blades ---------- Q What is red and white and squirms in the corner A Dead Baby playing with razor blades Q What is red white and green and sits in a corner A Same baby 3 weeks later Q What s blue and thrashes about on the floor A A baby playing in a plastic bag Q What s blue and sits in the corner A1 Baby in a cellophane bag A2 Dead Baby playing with saranwrap Q What is green and sits in the corner A Same dead baby two weeks later! ---------- Q How do you make a dead baby float A1 Fill a glass with root beer and add a scoop of ice cream and a scoop of dead baby A2 One glass of Root Beer and two scoops of baby (If on a diet use only one scoop) A3 Add 8 ounces of Coke-Cola with 2 scoops of dead baby A4 Take your foot off its head Q And where did you get these babies A Abortion Clinic Q (At Abortion clinic) Boy what are these people doing I can t get in because they block my way I want my float! A They are pro-life people They don t like sweet stuffs ---------- Q1 What s red and white and bubbles all over Q2 What s red bubbly and scratches at the window Q3 What is brown and taps on a window Q4 What s pink and red and bangs on the window Q5 What is black and bubbly and taps on glass A A baby in the microwave Q What is black and bubbly and taps on glass every ten seconds A Dead baby in a carousel microwave! (works best if told while in a swivel chair) ---------- Q1 What is red and swings back and forth Q2 What s pink and red and sways back and forth back and forth Q3 What s red and hangs four feet off the floor A Dead baby on a meathook ---------- Q How do you know when an Elephant has been in the baby carriage A By the footprints on the baby s forehead! (damn elephants get into everything!) ---------- Q Why did the baby cross the road A It was stapled to the chicken Q Why did the Koala fall out of the tree A Because it was dead Q Why did the baby fall out of the tree A Because it was stapled to the koala Q Why did the tree fall over A The koala never let go Q Why did the kangaroo die A Because the koala landed on it Q What is more fun than stapling dead babies to the wall A Pulling them off ---------- Q1 What s red and white and goes round and round Q2 What goes red white red red white white red Q3 What is pink and red and goes round and round Q4 What s pink and with a flick of a switch turns red Q5 What s red and chunky and travels in a circle at 190 mph A A baby in a blender Q Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first A So you can see the expression on its face! Q1 How do you get 1000 dead babies in a phone booth Q2 How do you get 10 dead babies into a tupperware bowl A1 La Machine! A2 Use a blender Q How do you get it out A With a straw! ---------- Q What is worse than a dead baby in a garbage can A Ten dead babies in a garbage can Q What is worse than 10 dead babies in a garbage can A One dead baby in a ten garbage cans ---------- Q What do you do with 4 dead babies and a sheet of glass A Make a coffee table ---------- Q What is easier to unload a truck full of Dead Babies or a truck full of bowling balls A Dead Babies you can use a pitchfork Q What s the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck load of bricks A You can t use a pitchfork on bricks Q What s the difference between a barrel of water and a barrel of babies A You can t shovel water with a pitchfork Q How do you load 100 screaming babies onto a truck A A pitchfork Q How do you unload a truck full of babies A With a pitchfork Q Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork A So you can tell which ones are still alive Q What s this (hold arms out and shake them) A A live one Q How do you know when you hit a live one A The pitchfork shakes Q How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones A Jab em all with a pitchfork Q What is worse than that A At the bottom of the pile there was one trying to eat its way out Q What is worse than that A It made it Q What is worse than that A It went back for seconds! ---------- Q What is worse than running a baby over with a car A Getting it out of the tires ---------- Q How is a baby like a grape A They both give a little wine when you squish them ---------- Q What s small red and can t turn around in corridors A A baby with a javelin through its head ---------- Q What does a dingo call a baby in a pram A Meals on wheels ---------- Q What is pink and with the flick of a switch goes black A A baby playing with a powerpoint ---------- Q What s black and furry and crawls across WA A A baby covered in Funnel-Web spiders (ed someone want to explain this to me ) ---------- Q What s red and lies in all four corners of the room A A baby that s been playing with a chainsaw ---------- Q What s red sits in the front of mirror and gets smaller and smaller A A baby combing it s hair with a potato peeler ---------- Q What s the proper gift for a dead baby A A dead puppy ---------- Q What is red and crawls up your leg A A homesick abortion! ---------- Q What s pink and red and silver and crawls into walls A A baby with forks in its eyes ---------- Q What is red and hangs around in trees A A baby that was hit by a snow thrower Q What s red and white and is spread all over the lawn A A baby run over by a lawn mower Q What s red white and green and is spread all over the lawn A Same baby two months later ---------- Q Why don t dead babies drive BMWs A Because BMW jokes are almost as old as dead baby jokes! Sheish!! Get a life why don t you ! ---------- Q How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb A As many as it takes to make a pile high enough to reach the light bulb with ---------------------------------------------------------------------------