6 David Rayneir once again surfaced from the tide of his memories sitting in his chair at the window He longed for another drink but as he reached for the bottle he felt sudden revulsion A thick green taste blanketed his mouth and even the smell of the whiskey made him feel ill He had never experienced it before and somehow he wasn t sure it came entirely from within himself He let his hand fall away from the bottle and sat for some time staring out into the snow No real thought crossed David s mind as he watched the descending flakes but every so often a single fraze would drift through his mind El nazir aranon eryx contani After quite some time he felt the alcoholic veil begin to slip from his senses Shortly afterwards he began to ponder the meaning of that phrase Reality is as we perceive it to be David turned it over and over in his mind Maybe just maybe there was an answer somewhere in that simple phrase He knew that he still couldn t fully understand its implications not yet but he felt meaning begin to surface Nothing around him was fully real He realized that there had to be a way to change reality to perceive it in a different way That was a part of what his grandfather had been trying to teach him so many years ago David s mind turned once again to the books sealed away in the attic A sense of both longing and dread filled him He wanted them wanted the mysteries they held David wanted to touch them to feel the worn leather beneath his fingers He wanted to turn their brittle pages and read to understand the ancient knowledge He also feared them because of what had happened His mind spun in circles desire and dread battling for dominance He knew there were forces he didn t understand Things his grandfather had been starting to explain to him Could it be that somewhere within the knowledge he lacked there could be beauty and peace An end to his torment He quieted his thoughts staring at the snow David knew there was an answer somewhere He could feel it He still didn t know what to do but he knew he was on the brink of a decision Two roads spread out before him and he didn t know for sure where either one led Part of him wanted to continue down the path he was on yet another part felt that it had seen more than enough of the dark grottos of self-pity And outside the snow fell on seemingly quite unconcerned with David Rayneir David rose from his chair his back and legs protesting loudly at the sudden movement He realized how badly he needed a shower and a shave This simple routine would absorb his mind for a while He could make a decision later He stretched trying to relieve the stiffness of his muscles As he rose his head began to thud dully as though someone was pounding on his brain with a well-padded hammer He walked shakily to the bathroom groping along the inner wall to find the light switch Dave squinted his eyes against the bright light of the bulbs over the medicine cabinet He looked closely at himself in the mirror Yes sir friends and neighbors he thought this is the face of a certifiable nut case a man whose dreams and memories are unraveling him at the edges Then again whiskey applied in more than liberal doses doesn t hurt He looked like hell like what his mother would have called death warmed over He could almost hear her Davy you should take better care of yourself Really you look like death warmed over Dave smiled but it didn t improve his appearance merely giving a tortured cast to his features His ice blue eyes were sunken in bruised- looking sockets His skin had a deathly pallid cast His face was drawn and gaunt looking as though the skin was stretched too tightly over his skull Two days worth of beard stubble added to his battered appearance On that face the smile looked more like a skull s rictus grin He stared at himself and shivered slightly Maybe the shower and shave would help God knew they couldn t hurt He hadn t realized until now how awful he looked It was the first time in months he had really looked at himself Dave turned on the cold faucet waited several moments and began splashing icy water onto his face Best to make sure all of the cobwebs were out of his head before risking a razor on his face Chills raced up and down his spine as the freezing water did its job He felt the last lingering traces of the alcohol haze clear from his mind He shut off the faucet and groped alongside the sink for a towel Finding one David quickly dried his face He finished wiping the water from his eyes and steeled himself to look at his reflection again As he turned his gaze towards the mirror he gasped in shock The glass that had been there moments before was gone David stared out across a mist shrouded plain Christy passed silently through the mist advancing towards him with her hand outstretched beckoning Dave noticed that she wore the gown she had been burried in only now its white cloth seemed to shimmer with an inner light of its own He started to lift his hand reaching out for her He knew that if their hands touched he could be sure of his own insanity His fingers were about to brush hers when his hand met the cold hard unyielding surface of the glass A blemish appeared under his figers a spot as dark and black as ink It marred the invisible surface of the glass David s eyes widened as he watched the darkness spread outward from that small spot It slowly engulfed the whole scene before him Christy seemed to be mouthing something frantically before the darkness obscured her but he couldn t make out what it was David stood looking into a plane of utter blackness He thought it looked like the night sky with no stars deep and fathomless As he thought this something seemed to move deep in the darkness He saw a set of utterly unhuman hideously familiar eyes before him coming closer His reaction was instantaneous his rage at the creature venting itself in violent action David s fist slammed into the blackness and it exploded outward in a thousand shards He cried out in pain as the fragments of glass tore at the pale skin of his hand and stood dumbstruck as the pieces rained to the floor The medicine cabinet stood before him razor-edged spears of glass still hanging at the edges of the mirror door he had just shattered The pill bottles and personal grooming items neatly arrayed in the cabinet seemed to look at him accusingly passing judgement on him He could almost hear them I m afraid he s quite cracked A shame too he was such a nice lad David Rayneir closed his eyes and took a firm mental grip on himself He wasn t crazy he knew that much A little fucked up maybe but crazy No Having ruled out insanity he began to wonder what the fuck was happening to him The dreams had been bad but that was all they had ever been just dreams Nothing had ever happened before while he was awake much less awake and sober So what had happened The dreams had begun to recede two months ago and had become nothing but vague phantoms Suddenly they had returned more vivid no more real than ever before Not to mention his hallucination or vision or whatever the hell had just happened He pondered all this as he cleansed his bleeding knuckles under the cold water faucet The cuts weren t very deep fortunately so he took a hand towel from the rack and wrapped it around his fist It would serve as a bandage until the bleeding stopped He walked back to the living room and lit a cigarette He had reached a decision Tomorrow he would unseal the attic and see if his grandfathers books held any answers