STORY 1 -HOP FROG
I never knew anyone so keenly alive to a joke as the king was.
He seemed to live only for joking. To tell a good story of the
joke kind, and to tell it well, was the surest road to his favor.
Thus it happened that his seven ministers were all noted for their
accomplishments as jokers. They all took after the king, too, in
being large, corpulent, oily men, as well as inimitable jokers.
Whether people grow fat by joking, or whether there is something
in fat itself which predisposes to a joke, I have never been
quite able to determine but certain it is that a lean joker is
a rara avis in terris.
About the refinements, or, as he called them, the ghost of wit, the king troubled himself very little. He had an especial admiration for breadth in a jest, and would often put up with length, for the
sake of it. Over-niceties wearied him. He would have preferred
Rabelais Gargantua to the Zadig of Voltaire and, upon the
whole, practical jokes suited his taste far better than verbal ones.
At the date of my narrative, professing jesters had not altogether
gone out of fashion at court. Several of the great continental
powers still retain their fools who wore motley, with caps and
bells, and who were expected to be always ready with sharp
witticism, at a moments notice, in consideration of the crumbs
that fell from the royal table.
Our king, as a matter of course, retained his fool.
The fact is, he required something in the way of folly - if only
to counterbalance the heavy wisdom of the seven wise men who were
his minister - not to mention himself.
His fool, or professional jester, was not only a fool, however.
His value was trebled in the eyes of the king, by the fact of his
being also a dwarf and a cripple. Dwarfs were as common at court,
in those days, as fools and many monarchs would have found it
difficult to get through their days days are rather longer at
court than elsewhere without both a jester to laugh with, and a
dwarf to laugh at. But, as I have already observed, your jesters,
in ninenty-nine cases out of a hundred, are fat, round, and
unwieldy - so that it was no small source of self-gratulation
with our king that, in Hop-Frog this was the fools name, he
possessed a triplicate treasure in one person.
I believe the name Hop-Frog was not that given to the dwarf by
his sponsors at baptism, but it was conferred upon him, by general
consent of the several ministers, on account of his inability to
walk as other men do. In fact, Hop-Frog could only get along by
a sort of interjectional gait - something between a leap and a
wriggle - a movement that afforded illimitable amusement, and of
course consolation, to the king, for notwithstanding the
protuberance of his stomach and a constitutional swelling of the
head the king, by his whole court, was accounted a capital figure.
But although Hop-Frog, through the distortion of his legs, could
move only with great pain and difficulty along a road or floor,
the prodigious muscular power which nature seemed to have
bestowed upon his arms, by way of compensation for deficiency in
the lower limbs, enabled him to perform many feats of wonderful
dexterity, where trees or ropes were in question, or any thing
else to climb. At such exercises he certainly much more resembled
a squirrel, or a small monkey, than a frog.
I am not able to say, with precision, from what country Hop-Frog
originally came. It was from some barbarous region, however, that
no person ever heard of - a vast distance from the court of our king.
Hop-Frog, and a young girl very little less dwarfish than himself
although of exquisite proportions, and a marvelous dancer, had
been forcibly carried off from their respective homes in adjoining
provinces, and sent as presents to the king, by one of his ever-
victorious generals.
Under these circumstances, it is not to be wondered at that a close
intimacy arose between the two little captives. Indeed, they soon
became sworn friends. Hop-Frog, who, although he made a great deal
of sport, was by no means popular, had it not in his power to render
Trippetta many services but she, on account of her grace and
exquisite beauty although a dwarf, was universally admired and
petted so she possessed much influence and never failed to use
it, whenever she could, for the benefit of Hop-Frog.
On some grand state occasion - I forgot what - the king determined
to have a masquerade, and whenever a masquerade or any thing of that
kind, occured at our court, then the talents, both of Hop-Frog and
Trippetta were sure to be called into play. Hop-Frog, in especial,
was so inventive in the way of getting up pageants, suggesting
novel characters, and arranging costumes, for masked balls, that
nothing could be done, it seems, without his assistance.
The night appointed for the fete had arrived.
A gorgeous hall had been fitted up, under Trippettas eye, with
every kind of device which could possibly give eclat to a
masquerade. The whole court was in a fever of expectation. As for
costumes and characters, it might well be supposed that everybody
had come to a decision on such points. Many had made up their
minds as to what roles they should assume a week, or even a
month, in advance and, in fact, there was not a particle of
indecision anywhere - except in the case of the king and his seven
minsters. Why they hesitated I never could tell, unless they did it
by way of a joke. More probably, they found it difficult, on account
of being so fat, to make up their minds. At all events, time flew
and, as a last resort they sent for Trippetta and Hop-Frog.
When the two little friends obeyed the summons of the king they
found him sitting at his wine with the seven members of his cabinet
council but the monarch appeared to be in a very ill humor.
He knew that Hop-Frog was not fond of wine, for it excited the poor
cripple almost to madness and madness is no comfortable feeling.
But the king loved his practical jokes, and took pleasure in forcing
Hop-Frog to drink and as the king called it to be merry.
Come here, Hop-Frog, said he, as the jester and his friend
entered the room swallow this bumper to the health of your absent
friends, here Hop-Frog sighed, and then let us have the benefit
of your invention. We want characters - characters, man - something
novel - out of the way. We are wearied with this everlasting
sameness. Come, drink! the wine will brighten your wits.
Hop-Frog endeavored, as usual, to get up a jest in reply to these
advances from the king but the effort was too much. It happened
to be the poor dwarfs birthday, and the command to drink to his
absent friends forced the tears to his eyes. Many large, bitter
drops fell into the goblet as he took it, humbly, from the hand of
the tyrant.
Ah! ha! ha! roared the latter, as the dwarf reluctantly drained
the beaker. - See what a glass of good wine can do!
Why, your eyes are shining already!
Poor fellow! his large eyes gleamed, rather than shone for the
effect of wine on his ecitable brain was not more powerful than
instantaneous.
He placed the goblet nervously on the table, and looked round
upon the company with a half - insane stare.
They all seemed highly amused at the success of the kings joke.
And now to business, said the prime minister, a very fat man.
Yes, said the King Come lend us your assistance.
Characters, my fine fellow we stand in need of characters - all
ofus - ha! ha! ha! and as this was seriously meant for a joke,
his laugh was chorused by the seven.
Hop-Frog also laughed although feebly and somewhat vacantly.
Come, come, said the king, impatiently, have you nothing to
suggest?
I am endeavoring to think of something novel, replied the dwarf,
abstractedly, for he was quite bewildered by the wine.
Endeavoring! cried the tyrant, fiercely what do you mean by
that? Ah, I perceive. You are Sulky and want more wine.
Here, drink this! and he poured out another goblet full and
offered it to the cripple, who merely gazed at it, gasping for
breath.
Drink, I say! shouted the monster, or by the fiends-
The dwarf hesitated. The king grew purple with rage. The courtiers
smirked. Trippetta, pale as a corpse, advanced to the moarchs
seat, and, falling on her knees before him, implored him to spare
her friend.
The tyrant regarded her, for some moments, in evident wonder at
her audacity. He seemed quite at a loss what to do or say - how
most becomingly to express his indignation. At last, without
uttering a syllable, he pushed her violently from him, and threw
the contents of the brimming goblet in her face.
The poor girl got up the best she could, and, not daring even to
sigh, resumed her position at the foot of the table.
There was a dead silence for about half a minute, during which
the falling of a leaf, or of a feather, might have been heard.
It was interrupted by a low, but harsh and protracted grating sound which seemed to come at once from every corner of the room. What - what - what are you making that noise for? demanded the king, turning furiously to the dwarf.
The latter seemed to have recovered, in great measure, from his intoxication, and looking fixedly but quietly into the tyrants face, merely ejaculated: I - I? How could it have been me? The sound appeared to come from without, observed one of the
courtiers. I fancy it was the parrot at the window, whetting
his bill upon his cage-wires. True, replied the monarch, as if much relieved by the suggestion but, on the honor of a knight, I could have sworn that it was the gritting of this vagabonds teeth. Hereupon the dwarf laughed the king was too confirmed a joker to object to any ones laughing, and displayed a set of large, powerful, and very repulsive teeth. Moreover, he avowed his perfect willingness to swallow as much wine as desired. The monarch was pacified and having drained another bumper with novery perceptible ill effect, Hop-Frog entered at once, and with spirit, into the plans for the masquerade. I cannot tell what was the association of idea, observed he, very tranquilly, and as if he had never tasted wine in his life, but just after your majesty, had struck the girl and thrown the wine in her face - just after your majesty had done this, and while the parrot was making that odd noise outside the window, there came into my mind a capital diversion - one of my own country frolics - often enacted among us, at our masquerades: but here it will be new altogether. Unfortunately, however, it requires a company of eight perons and - Here we are! cried the king, laughing at his acute discovery of the coincidence eight to a fraction - I and my seven ministers. Come! what is the diversion? We call it, replied the cripple, the Eight Chained Ourang-Outangs, and it really is excellent sport if well enacted.
We will enact it, remarked the king, drawing himself up, and lowering his eyelids. The beauty of the game, continued Hop-Frog, lies in the fright it occasions among the women. Capital! roared in chorus the monarch and his ministry. I will equip you as ourang-outangs, proceeded the dwarf leave all that to me. The resemblance shall be so striking, that the company of masqueraders will take you for real beasts - and of course, they will be as much terrified as astonished. Oh, this is exquisite! exclaimed the king. Hop-Frog! I will make a man of you. The chains are for the purpose of increasing the confusion by their jangling. You are supposed to have escaped, en masse, from your keepers. Your majesty cannot conceive the effect produced, at a masquerade, by eight chained ourang-outangs, imagined to be real ones by most of the company and rushing in with savage cries, among the crowd of delicately and gorgeously habited men and women. The contrast is inimitable! It must be, said the king: and the council arose hurriedly as it was growing late, to put in execution the scheme of Hop-Frog. His mode of equipping the party as ourang-outangs was very simple, but effective enough for his purposes.
The animals in question had, at the epoch of my story, very rarely
been seen in any part of the civilized world and as the imitations made by the dwarf were sufficiently beast-like and more than sufficiently hideous, their truthfulness to nature was thus thought to be secured. The king and his ministers were first encased in tight-fitting stockinet shirts and drawers. They were then saturated with tar. At this stage of the process, some one of the party suggested feathers but the suggestion was at once overruled by the dwarf, who soon convinced the eight, by ocular demonstration, that the hair of such a brute as the ourang-outang was much more efficiently represented by flu. A thick coating of the latter was accordingly plastered upon the coating of tar. A long chain was now procured. First, it was passed about the waist of the king, and tied, then about another of the party, and also tied then about all successively, in the same manner. When this chaining arrangement was complete, and the party stood as far apart from each other as possible, they formed a circle and to make all things appear natural, Hop-Frog passed the residue of the chain in two diameters, at right angles, across the circle, after the fashion adopted, at the present day, by those who capture Chimpanzees, or other large apes, in Borneo. The grand saloon in which the masquerade was to take place, was a circular room, very lofty, and receiving the light of the sun only through a single window at top. At night the season for which the apartment was especially designed it was illuminated principally by a large chandelier, depending by a chain from the centre of the sky-light, and lowered, or elevated, by means of a counter-balance as usual but in order not to look unsightly this latter passed
outside the cupola and over the roof.
The arrangements of the room had been left to Trippettas superintendence but, in some particulars, it seems, she had been guided by the calmer judgment of her friend the dwarf. At his suggestion it was that, on this occasion, the chandelier was removed. Its waxen drippings which, in weather so warm, it was quite impossible to prevent would have been seriously detrimental to the rich dresses of the guests, who, on account of the crowded state of the saloon, could not all be expected to keep from out of its centre that is to say, from under the chandelier. Additional sconces were set in various parts of the hall, out of the way, and a flambeau, emmiting sweet odor, was placed in the right hand of each of the Caryatides that stood against the wall - some fifty or sixty altogether. The eight ourang-outangs, taking Hop-Frogs advice, waited patiently until midnight when the room was thoroughly filled with masqueraders before making their appearance. No sooner had the clock ceased striking, however, than they rushed, or rather rolled in, all together - for the impediments of their chains caused most of the party to fall, and all to stumble as they entered. The excitement among the masqueraders was prodigious, and filled the heart of the king with glee. As had been anticipated, there were not a few of the guests who supposed the ferocious - looking creatures to be beasts of some kind in reality, if not precisely ourang-outangs. Many of the women swooned with affright and had not the king taken the precaution to exclude all weapos from saloon, his party might soon have expiated their frolic in their blood.
As it was, a general rush was made for the doors but the king had
ordered them to be locked immediately upon his entrance and, at the dwarfs suggestion, the keys had been deposited with him. While the tumult was at its height, and each masquerader attentive only to his own safety for, in fact, there was much real danger from the pressure of the excited crowd, the chain by which the chandelier ordinarily hung, and which had been drawn up on its removal, might have been seen very gradually to descend, until its hooked extremity came within three feet of the floor. Soon after this, the king and his seven friends having reeled about the hall in all directions, found themselves, at length, in its centre, and, of course, in immediate contact with the chain. While they were thus situated, the dwarf, who had followed noiselessly at
their heels, inciting them to keep up the commotion, took hold of
their own chain at the intersection of the two portions which crossed the circle diametrically and at right angles. Here, with the rapidity of thought, he inserted the hook from which the chandelier had been wont to depend and, in an instant, by some unseen agency, the chandelier-chain was drawn so far upward as to take the hook out of reach, and, as an inevitable consequence, to drag the ourang-outangs together in close connection, and face to face. The masqueraders, by this time, had recovered, in some measure, from their alarm and, beginning to regard the whole matter as a well contrived pleasantry, set up a loud shout of laughter at the predicament of the apes. Leave them to me! now screamed Hop-Frog, his shrill voice making itself easily heard through all the din. Leave them to me. I fancy I know them. If I can only get a good look at them, I can soon tell who they are. Here, scrambling over the heads of the crowd, he managed to get to the wall when, seizing a flambeau from one of the Caryatides, he returned, as he went, to the centre of the room-leaping, with the agility of a monkey, upon the kings head, and thence clambered a few feet up the chain holding down the torch to examine the group of ourang-outangs, and still screaming: I shall soon find out who they are! And now, while the whole assembly the apes included were convulsed with laughter, the jester suddenly uttered a shrill whistle when the chain flew violently up for about thirty feet - dragging with it the dismayed and struggling ourang-outangs, and leaving them suspended in
mid-air between the sky-light and the floor.
Hop-Frog, clinging to the chain as it rose, still maintained his relative position in respect to the eight maskers, and still as if nothing were the matter continued to thrust his torch down toward them, as though endeavoring to discover who they were. So thoroughly astonished was the whole company at this ascent, that a dead silence, of about a minutes duration, ensued. It was broken by just such a low, harsh, grating sound, as had before attracted the attention of the king and his councillors when the former threw the wine in the face of Trippetta. But, on the present occasion, there could be no question as to whence the sound issued. It came from the fang - like teeth of the dwarf, who ground them and gnashed them as he foamed at the mouth, and glared, with an expression of maniacal rage, into the upturned countenances of the king and his seven companions. Ah, ha! said at length the infuriated jester. Ah, ha! I begin to see who these people are now! Here, pretending to scrutinize the king more closely, he held the flambeau to the flaxen coat which enveloped him, and which instantly burst into a sheet of vivid flame. In less than half a minute the whole eight ourang-outangs were blazing fiercely, amid the shrieks of the multitude who gazed at them from below, horror-stricken, and without the power to render them the slightest assistance. At length the flames, suddenly increasing in virulence, forced the jester to climb higher up the chain, to be out of their reach and, as he made this movement, the crowd again sank, for a brief instant, into silence. The dwarf seized his opportunity, and once more spoke: I now see distinctly. he said, what manner of people these maskers
are. They are a great king and his seven privy-councillors, - a king
who does not scruple to strike a defenceless girl and his seven
councillors who abet him in the outrage.
As for myself, I am simply Hop-Frog, the jester - and this is my last
jest.
Owing to the high combustibility of both the flax and the tar to which
it adhered, the dwarf had scarcely made an end of his speech before
the work of vengeance was complete. The eight corpses swung in their
chains, a fetid, blackened, hideous, and indistinguishable mass.
The cripple hurled his torch at them, clambered leisurely to the
ceiling, and disappeared through the sky-light.
It is supposed that Trippetta, stationed on the roof of the saloon,
had been the accomplice of her friend in his fiery revenge, and that,
together, they effected their escape to their own country: for neither
was seen again.