ITS THAT FAT DORK PARIAH AGAIN
Well, after two releases im still in eclipse. shockingly enough two releases is
my best record with a group shows how loyal i am hopefully that says somethingabout eclipse as a group. anyways, onto my tale about the exciting issue we all want to hear about..
ECLIPSES VIEWS ON FECAL MATTERS
Due to the wars that are about to ignite across the world we here at Eclipse have decided to declare our opinion which influences all opinions on the
fecal matter issue. Every president that has loss in elections lost because
they were too scared to declare their opinion on this issue, yes indeed, fecal
matter has brought down many good people. We at eclipse look to change that
and lead the world to a better 2000 with no question regarding fecal matter
left unanswered. So, in brief Ill pull some letters out of the Eclipse Fan MailBoxtm that have to do with fecal matter, answer the letter and move on
1 From Harry Harden in Worchester Pennsylvania
Dear you Silly Guys at Eclipse,
Lately, when i excrete fecal matter ive noticed some blood in the toilet and/or severe pain in my rectum. Please, i now live in fear of my next visit to the bathroom could you please tell me what is going on?
Eclipse answers ...
Well Harry.. Its a sad, sad day when going to the bathroom no longer
becomes one of the joys of life. To me it seems as if you have a severe case
of constipation or else a VERY tight ass. If its a severe case of constipation
then you can always stop off at your local pharmacy and pick up some medication to cure it you know the commercial where the lady goes.. UNF! UNF! UNF!..
Try that and then write back to us, we want to keep up with your situation. We
wish you the best and hope that we have answered your question fully.
Sincerely,
- Dr. Pariah
2 from RaD Man in San Diego CA
Dear you Cool Guys at Eclipse,
Well, you all know me.. I am RaD Man the infamous leader of ACiD produc tionstm and revolutionizer of the scene. Youd think a high standing leader
like myself wouldnt have problems going to the bathroom, but alas, none are
spared by the wrath of angry fecal matter. My problem is that i have several
dots that look like pimples all over the inside of my rectum, last month these
dots almost made me release the ACiD pack late. I could really use some
help. By the way, i really loved your last pack, ECL-09.ZIP..
Eclipse answers ...
Once again proof that fecal problems are ruthless and can affect anyone
no matter what rank in the scene/world. Those dots i fear are really hemroids and they are a very serious problem. The hemroids could explode and bleed quite bit unless treated. I recommend you go to your local hospital and have them
removed immediately. Please, notify us after your surgery so we know how you
are doing. Until then, the scene will be a much sadder place knowing your life
is in danger due to hemroids.. we thank you for the compliment
Sincerely,
- Dr. Pariah
3 from Jolan Luff aka Soul Manager in Beloit Illinois
Dear you mutherfucking Eclipse guys,
Well, I despise your group and hate all of you, but lately ive had to use all my prepubescent angst grunting and pushing while TRYING to exrete
fecal matter. So we can both start hating each other again, PLEASE tell me
what do do about my fecal problems. I havent excreted fecal matter in one
whole month.
Eclipse answers ...
It almost seems as if you DESERVE the trouble you are in, but we
un-prejudiced here at Eclipse will even help our arch enemies when it comes
to fecal problems. First of all, you, like the first letter we answered, are
encountering a very, very severe cause of constipation. You will probably
need surgery every week the fecal matter will be manually pumped out of your
bowels, ugh and you will wear special diaper-like underwear in case you
soil your pants while at work, or whatever you do. Hopefully this answers your
question and will solve your problem.
Sincerely,
- Dr. Pariah
THE END
Those are all the letters we had time to get to today. In the future if you
have a question youd like eclipse to answer email it to nrlc@clark.net.